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Ian Slatter Biography

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“Can we stop talking about my pants, please?”

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“Beep deedly oden boden bodash skadutendaten.”

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“In my school, if your skirt is just one centimetre too short, they make you change into the stinkiest, skankiest pair of lime green joggers they can find in the lost property box, with stains that you really don’t want to know where they came from and the stench of a thousand backsides.”

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“The rumour was that he wrestled gorillas in his spare time, two at a time, although to be honest, why London Zoo would let him wrestle one, let alone two of their Gorillas Marty wasn't sure.”

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“He looked like he probably disliked garlic and sunlight a lot, and his idea of a tasty snack was something he sucked out of someone’s neck in the middle of the night.”

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“One thing you can guarantee as a football fan, maybe the only thing you can guarantee, is that sooner or later someone else is going to have a go at you and your team.”

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“I love football, and you love football, and arguing about it is just a waste of time.”

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