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Love's Executioner and Other Tales of Psychotherapy

Book by Irvin D. Yalom · 16 quotes · Psychology, Death, Moarte

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Love's Executioner and Other Tales of Psychotherapy Quotes

“Mind thinks in images but, to communicate with another, must transform image into thought and then thought into language. That march, from image to thought to language, is treacherous. Casualties occur: the rich, fleecy texture of image, its extraordinary plasticity and flexibility, its private nostalgic emotional hues - all are lost when image is crammed into language.”

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“I must assume that knowing is better than not know, venturing better than not venturing; and that magic and illusion, however rich, however alluring, ultimately weaken the human spirit. I take with deep seriousness Thomas Hardy's words, 'If a way to the Better there be, it exacts a full look at the Worst.”

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“Но може би никого той не възнагради като мен малко преди да почине. Карлос веднъж за винаги даде отговор на въпроса дали е разумно и уместно да се преследват "амбициозни" цели в терапията с терминално болните. Когато последно го посетих в болницата, той беше толкова слаб, че едва се движеше, но вдигна глава, стисна ръката ми и прошепна: - Благодаря. Благодаря, че спаси живота ми.”

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“I think my quarry is illusion. I war against magic. I believe that, though illusion often cheers and comforts, it ultimately and invariably weakens and constricts the spirit. But there is timing and judgment. Never take away anything if you have nothing better to offer. Beware of stripping a patient who can’t bear the chill of reality. And don’t exhaust yourself by jousting with religious magic: you’re no match for it. The thirst for religion is too strong, its roots too deep, its cultural reinforcement too powerful.”

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“Translation error is compounded by bias error. We distort others by forcing into them our preferred ideas and gestalts, a process Proust beautifully describes: We pack the physical outline of the creature we see with all the ideas we already formed about him, and in the complete picture of him which we compose in our minds, these ideas have certainly the principal place. In the end they come to fill out so completely the curve of his cheeks, to follow so exactly the line of his nose, they blend so harmoniously in the sound of his voice that these seem to be no more than a transparent envelope, so that each time we see the face or hear the voice it is our own ideas of him which we recognize and to which we listen.”

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“I always imagined that you might write something about me. I wanted to leave an imprint on your life. I don’t want to be “just another patient”. I wanted to be “special”. I want to be something, anything. I feel like nothing, no one. If I left an imprint on your life, maybe I would be someone, someone you wouldn’t forget. I’d exist then. (Marge’s letter to Yalom)”

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“Decisions are difficult for many reasons, some reaching down into the very socket of being. John Gardner, in his novel Grendel, tells of a wise man who sums up his meditation on life’s mysteries in two simple but terrible postulates: “Things fade: alternatives exclude.” Of the first postulate, death, I have already spoken. The second, “alternatives exclude,” is an important key to understanding why decision is difficult. Decision invariably involves renunciation: for every yes there must be a no, each decision eliminating or killing other options (the root of the word decide means “slay,” as in homicide or suicide). Thus, Thelma clung to the infinitesimal chance that she might once again revive her relationship with her lover, renunciation of that possibility signifying diminishment and death.”

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“In romanul „Grednel”, John Gardner vorbeste despre un om intelept care isi sintetizeaza meditatiile asupra misterelor vietii in doua postulate simple ”Lucrurile pier incet, alternativele exclud”. [...] Cel de-al doilea, „alternativele exclud”, este o cheie importanta pentru a intelege de ce nu e usor sa iei decizii. Decizia presupune invariabil o renuntare: pentru fiecare da trebuie sa existe un nu, fiecare decizie eliminand sau distrugand alte optiuni (radacina cuvantului „decide” inseamna „ucidere”, ca in omucidere sau sinucidere).”

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“Nestes dez contos sobre psicoterapia há poucas discussões explícitas acerca do significado da vida. A busca de significado, muito semelhante à busca de prazer, deve ser conduzida indiretamente. O significado resulta da atividade significativa: quanto mais o procurarmos deliberadamente, menos provável será seu encontro; as perguntas racionais que alguém pode fazer a respeito do significado sempre excederão as respostas. Na terapia, assim como na vida, a presença de significado é um subproduto do vínculo e do comprometimento, e é nesse sentido que os terapeutas devem dirigir seus esforços - não que o vínculo ofereça uma resposta racional às perguntas sobre significados, mas porque faz com que essas perguntas não tenham importância.”

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“But he gave no greater gift than the one he offered me shortly before he died, and it was a gift that answers for all time the question of whether it is rational or appropriate to strive for “ambitious” therapy in those who are terminally ill. When I visited him in the hospital he was so weak he could barely move, but he raised his head, squeezed my hand, and whispered, “Thank you. Thank you for saving my life.”

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“Unul dintre marile paradoxuri ale vietii este acela ca din constiinta de sine decurge o stare de anxietate. Contopirea elimina anxietatea intr-o maniera radicala – prin eliminarea constiintei de sine. Persoana care s-a indragostit si a patruns intr-o stare extatica de contopire cu obiectul dragostei sale nu se mai gandeste la sine, pentru ca stingherul si dilematicul eu (alaturi de angoasa insotitoare a izolarii) se dizolva in noi.”

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