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Leslie Jones

Leslie Jones Books

Comedian

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“I knew I wasn’t going to have children as far back as when as I was twelve. I am not a pain person. You’re telling me you’re going to pull a whole human out of my pussy? (For a start, I’m going to need more than six weeks off.) We saw a film in health class called something like The Beauty of Childbirth—but all I saw was hideous shit. What’s beautiful about snatching a baby out of a woman’s ass? The fuck? My cousin Rhonda even delivered a baby in our house, and I remember that there was so much blood… None of this was going to happen to me.”

AbortionPregnancySex Education
Book:Leslie F*cking Jones
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“Back when I played, basketball was all about fundamentals, about hustling, getting those loose balls, all those rebounds under the basket. That equals up to 12, 14, 16 points. You can lose a game with that much. It's different watching basketball now. People don't play the same way. It doesn't matter if you score, if you can't stop the other team from scoring. Our coach used to kick our ass if we didn't. I was told if you saw more of the other team color under the basket than your own team color, you ain't doing your job. Everybody should be under the board, trying to get that ball.”

PeopleIfsWayShouldTryingDifferentMatterPlayJobsUsedGamesLosesSawsTeamColorBasketballBallsFundamentalsCoachesAssBoardsKicksScoreHustleBasketsBack WhenRebound
Author:Leslie Jones
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“The reason everybody is so amazed and enamored with me right now is because I have worked every angle, I have worked every formula, I have worked every equation, I have seen every club, I have seen every performance, I have seen every joke, I have studied, I have done my job. That's why I'm good. It's not because I got up one night and decided I wanted to tell some f - -ing jokes.”

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Author:Leslie Jones
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“I always had a Twitter account. I always had an Instagram account. I was always active on it, always spoke my mind. To me, it's really weird that I got so many followers and people that pay attention the way they do. It's hilarious, actually, because people didn't used to listen to me at all. I used to be like, "Does anybody hear me talkin'?"”

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Author:Leslie Jones
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