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Luigina Sgarro Biography

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“We do not have to do with others as "they really are" but with our idea of them. This means that the experience of loss occurs both when we really lose someone and when this someone, for whatever reason, no longer corresponds to the idea we had of him. It is an inner grief just as strong and from which we often defend ourselves, as long as we can, through denial. Denial ends when the energy needed to deny becomes superior to what it takes to process the loss and move on.”

PainGriefSelf Deception
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“Everyone tends to evaluate others starting from themselves. This is a disadvantage for people with a negative attitude, because they constantly underestimate and condemn others, and it is a disadvantage for those with a positive attitude, because they constantly overestimate and justify others. On the other hand, the latter experience better the intervals between the effects of one bad evaluation and another.”

ExpectationsOptimismPessimismCynicismBiasBiases
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“I once suggested to one of my patients that she should have a small funeral ceremony to bury the idea she had of a certain person, because she kept chasing that image even in the face of substantial evidence of its actual nonexistence. Then I asked her to prepare a small headstone to honor, in private. Not all the dead are really dead or were really alive, but that does not make parting with them a lesser loss.”

DeathLossGriefSorrowDisappointmentGrief And Loss
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“I do not believe that grief unites, pain is a unique experience, in its intensity, in its expression, in its mixture with other emotions, other feelings, with one's history, with one's hopes and despairs. That is why one can never really say: I join in your pain, or understand your pain. Other people's pain cannot be fully understood, it isolates, it divides. Grief is one of the most intimate experiences of the human being. That is why it is also useless to say 'leave me alone with my sorrow': with pain we are always alone.”

PainUnderstandingGriefLonelinessCommunicationSorrowIsolation
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“I thought that childhood went away softly, or that it was lost with a rip, at the moment when the veil is torn and you see another reality. Instead it is neither one nor the other. Childhood goes away in shreds, like a mosaic that flakes under your eyes. Below, in fragments, appears the adult being in its darkest part, from which we protect ourselves, like children who puts the blanket upon their faces, for fear of the ogre, there are the things you do not want to see, until when you can no longer deny them. And perhaps this denial is a part of wanting to believe in a life after death, the last piece of childhood that some of us guard, for thinking that every goodbye, after all, is not forever.”

LifeDeathFearChildhood
Author:Luigina Sgarro
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