“How we feel with someone—if they improve our mood or cause our heart to sink—can determine the health of the relationship. How do you feel around them? It's a simple measurement tool.”
Source: The Art of Body Language: 8 Ways to Optimize Non-Verbal Communication for Positive Impact
“Instant chemistry feels great! It is a raw, organic emotion. The art and science of relationship chemistry is still a mystery to me, but it is always a delight when it happens. You certainly know when you feel it, and that sizzle begins many a new relationship.”
Source: The Art of Body Language: 8 Ways to Optimize Non-Verbal Communication for Positive Impact
“Is chemistry a biological reaction which supports the propagation of our species? Or is it simply about being excited to find someone with mutually shared values, passions, interests, or experiences? Or is it because you have the same energy, vibrate at the same frequency, or share the same attitude? Regardless of how it happens, a robust and healthy chemistry is always a nice surprise and something to be celebrated.”
Source: The Art of Body Language: 8 Ways to Optimize Non-Verbal Communication for Positive Impact
“It's a fact. We are magnets who attract whatever we are being. When we emit positive energy, thoughts, feelings, and vibrations, we attract more positives to us. When we emit negative energy, thoughts, feelings, and vibrations, we attract more negatives.”
Source: The Art of Body Language: 8 Ways to Optimize Non-Verbal Communication for Positive Impact
“The "Law of Attraction" simply states: “What you think about, you bring about.” Whatever you focus on will expand and attract more of the same. Whatever you are putting out there is usually what you are getting back. So, if you don’t like what you’re getting, you’ve got to change what you are giving.”
Source: The Art of Body Language: 8 Ways to Optimize Non-Verbal Communication for Positive Impact
“Without even realizing it, we magnetize people, opportunities, and outcomes. Many people continue to attract dysfunctional folks who bring trauma, drama, crisis, and negativity and then wonder why they are so miserable. Be cognizant of how you’re being because it is most certainly attracting what you’re receiving.”
Source: The Art of Body Language: 8 Ways to Optimize Non-Verbal Communication for Positive Impact
“Cheri Davis is a fun, energetic, positive, and beautiful friend. We both share a vibrant and positive energy which is a rare and wonderful quality. No matter what is going on in the world, we have a magic ability to energize each other and make the day better simply by speaking. She once said to me, “Susan, our low is most people's high.” Indeed. We will not always match the energies of others, and when theirs is lower than ours, that can be a very good thing!”
Source: The Art of Body Language: 8 Ways to Optimize Non-Verbal Communication for Positive Impact
“Emotion is energy in motion; therefore, different states of mind, perceptions, and feelings can all result in different electromagnetic frequencies. How can you elevate your enthusiasm and energize your life?”
Source: The Art of Body Language: 8 Ways to Optimize Non-Verbal Communication for Positive Impact
“What saps your energy and drains your strength? If it makes you feel bad on the inside, it will make those around you feel bad too! Don’t be the energy vampire whom people want to avoid.”
Source: The Art of Body Language: 8 Ways to Optimize Non-Verbal Communication for Positive Impact
“Fuel Your Ride with Positive Energy. Having desire, vision, and focus will help you turn your bus in the right direction, and positive energy is needed to take you where you want to go.”
Source: The Art of Body Language: 8 Ways to Optimize Non-Verbal Communication for Positive Impact
“Throw out and discard all negative energy that comes your way and find the positives in the situations. You may be having a bad day at work or a lot to do, but be thankful you have a job to go to while many others do not. Always fuel your life with positive energy if you want to be successful.”
Source: The Art of Body Language: 8 Ways to Optimize Non-Verbal Communication for Positive Impact
“Guard your energy by setting boundaries, just saying 'no," and limiting your interactions with people who drain you. The measure—how do they make you feel?”
Source: The Art of Body Language: 8 Ways to Optimize Non-Verbal Communication for Positive Impact
“Access your joy within; feel and focus on it, allowing it to expand to fill your entire being.”
Source: The Art of Body Language: 8 Ways to Optimize Non-Verbal Communication for Positive Impact
“Use positive affirmations to shift your mindset and re-train your brain for positivity.”
Source: The Art of Body Language: 8 Ways to Optimize Non-Verbal Communication for Positive Impact
“Be in the Now Moment—don’t squander your energy on a past you can’t change or a future which has not yet happened.”
Source: The Art of Body Language: 8 Ways to Optimize Non-Verbal Communication for Positive Impact
“What makes one person approachable and another one not? That simple difference alone can make or break your success in your life, in your relationships, and in your career.”
Source: The Art of Body Language: 8 Ways to Optimize Non-Verbal Communication for Positive Impact
“Approachability is a crucial way of being that empowers you with an extraordinary edge to make a great first impression, invite interaction, build rapport, and win friends.”
Source: The Art of Body Language: 8 Ways to Optimize Non-Verbal Communication for Positive Impact
“Don't you love meeting an approachable person? They roll out the proverbial “welcome mat.” Their energy and engaging openness make us feel safe. They project the messages, “I'm so glad to meet you. I like you. Tell me more about you. I'm so glad that you're here,” without even saying a word.”
Source: The Art of Body Language: 8 Ways to Optimize Non-Verbal Communication for Positive Impact
“We’ll Leave the Light on for You! This Motel 6 slogan has been a successful marketing strategy for years because of its warm invitation and friendly welcome. They know that the comforts of home appeal to us all.”
Source: The Art of Body Language: 8 Ways to Optimize Non-Verbal Communication for Positive Impact
“Think of the communication that takes place in your own life on a continuous basis—at home, at work, with friends, and beyond. When you actively listen to people, you enhance communication.”
Source: The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact
“Through the years, I have heard that the average person speaks at about 150-160 words per minute, but can listen at a rate of about 1,000 words per minute. What is going on during all that extra mind time?
• Our minds are racing ahead and preparing for the next thing we are going to say.
• We are preoccupied with other thoughts, priorities, and distractions.
• Our subconscious filters are thumbing through our database of memories, judgments, experiences, perspectives, and opinions to frame how we are going to interpret what we think someone is saying.”
Source: The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact
“While active listening is crucial for optimal communication, we are faced with a dilemma which can perplex even the sincerest and engaged of individuals.”
Source: The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact
“You can have the perfect message, but it may fall on deaf ears when the listener is not prepared or open to listening.
These listening "planes" were first introduced by the American composer Aaron Copland (1900-1990) as they pertain to music . . .
1. The Sensual Plane: You’re aware of the music, but not engaged enough to have an opinion or judge it.
2. The Expressive Plane: You become more engaged by paying attention, finding meaning beyond the music, and noticing how it makes you feel.
3. The Musical Plane: You listen to the music with complete presence, noticing the musical elements of melody, harmony, pitch, tempo, rhythm, and form.”
Source: The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact
“To make matters even more complicated, research has shown that we remember only 25-50 percent of what we hear. This inclination not only compromises our connection with another person, but we can fail to retain vital information. All this evidence demonstrates that it is imperative that we intentionally pay closer attention and strive to become an in-depth listener.”
Source: The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact
“UN-Impressives of the Poor Listener
• Thinking about what you should have done, could have done, or need to do.
• Allowing your emotional reactions to take over.
• Interrupting the person talking.
• Replying before you hear all the facts.
• Jumping to conclusions and making assumptions.
• Being preoccupied with what you're going to say next.
• Getting defensive or being over-eager.
• One-upmanship—feeling the urge to compete and add something bigger, better, or more significant than what the speaker has to share.
• Imposing an unsolicited opinion.
• Ignoring and changing the subject altogether.”
Source: The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact
“The Physical Language of Listening
Active listening is a physical process which transcends simply hearing. Your body language speaks on your behalf as to whether you are fully present and engaged . . .
• Make eye contact.
• Nod your head; confirm.
• Use your eyebrows and expressions of emotions to show that you're paying attention.
• Lean forward.
• Listen patiently to demonstrate respect and sensitivity.
• Open your physical presence to encourage them to continue.”
Source: The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact
“Listening is one thing; however, ACTIVE listening is quite another. The first is a passive act which does not require great involvement, whereas, the latter is a consciously aware and deliberately focused effort to actively participate in the conversation.”
Source: The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact
“Listening actively confirms for people that you are positively receiving and thoroughly understanding the message they are conveying.”
Source: The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact
“By your practice of active listening, everyone involved benefits because you . . .
• are more engaged and engaging;
• demonstrate that you are interested in others and what they have to say;
• make others feel important, respected, understood, and appreciated;
• improve your memory and retention;
• affirm to others that you are an authentic, caring, and compassionate person;
make a great first and last impression”
Source: The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact
“If the skill of participatory listening came effortlessly and easy for everyone, there would not be so many misunderstandings, communication breakdowns, irritations, and frustrations.”
Source: The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact
“Active listening is key to all healthy and effective communication, however, it doesn't necessarily come easily.”
Source: The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact
“When you become an actively engaged listener, you will develop the mindful awareness that active listening involves multiple layers and distinct levels.”
Source: The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact
“Being Present
Years ago, I attended a conference where the keynote speaker encouraged everyone to BE HERE NOW! It grabbed people's attention and reminded us that living, loving, listening, and laughing all occur in the present moment.”
Source: The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact
“Active listening requires being fully present and engaged in the moment.”
Source: The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact
“When you are mindfully focused, the person with whom you are communicating feels that you are making them a priority—that you value their time and their perspective. It is in these moments that we can go to deeper levels of discovery, exploration, and connection. It is one of the most valuable gifts and finest compliments you can give to another.”
Source: The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact
“To Become an Attentive Listener . . .
• Observe a person’s physical presence to see how their body language aligns with their message.
• Recognize what is being said on the surface.
• Engage your intuition to hear the meaning, purpose, and motivation behind their message.
• Be aware of your own internal responses and how you are feeling.
• Put yourself in their shoes to better understand their perspective.”
Source: The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact
“Become keenly aware of these three layers to discover whether you're listening with interest and intent for excellent communication and understanding—or are you unintentionally sabotaging potentially phenomenal conversations. Knowledge of the listening planes will raise your awareness. And as you apply these, enjoy the surprising difference.”
Source: The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact
“Becoming an empathetic listener helps you to better understand how another person feels and why they communicate as they do.”
Source: The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact
“When my son Nick was five years old, he was sitting at the kitchen bar while I prepared dinner. In typical busy mother fashion, I was multitasking—cooking, cleaning, running the laundry, answering the phone, and attempting to listen to what he had to say.”
Source: The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact
“Listening is one of the finest ways to demonstrate our love for another human being. How many marriages could be saved, friendships healed, careers made, and opportunities enjoyed if people would simply stop what they are doing and listen deeply to what another person has to say. If practiced by everyone, this principle could be a world-changer!”
Source: The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact
“The process of attentive listening makes the other person feel important, valued, and heard. For Nick, listening was, and still is, love. I've never forgotten that precious moment—and the lesson!”
Source: The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact
“Think about the people in your life with whom you have the most engaging dialogue—the ones who will listen to you and consider your opinions regardless of the topic. They'll stop whatever they are doing to give you their full attention. They become completely present and hear you.”
Source: The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact
“Mingle
• Be the connector—introduce people to each other who may not otherwise connect.
• Be a conversation fire starter; point out what people have in common as you are introducing them.
• Seek out the folks who may appear to be shy, or awkward, or wallflowers. Find ways to build trust and comfort. Engage them with a kind word to pull them out of their shell.
• Arrive early and stay late; connect with people before and after your event.
• Stretch beyond your comfort zone to speak with, sit with, and start conversations with people whom you do not know.
• Offer to refill someone’s drink or clear their plate.
• Encourage introductions: “There is someone whom I would love for you to meet . . .”
Source: The Art of Action: 8 Ways to Initiate & Activate Forward Momentum for Positive Impact
“Get in the Game
“As soon as you say something can’t be done, you will be passed by a person who is already doing it.” – Unknown
“Do you typically observe the game of life from the sidelines, sit in the penalty box, play your heart out on the field, or show up when the opportunity has already passed by and ask, “What happened?”
Your answer to this question will reveal a lot about your initiative. Granted, various situations call for diverse levels of interest and engagement. However, if you want to rock your relationship results, it is going to require action, effort, initiative, and choosing to get in the game.”
Source: The Art of Action: 8 Ways to Initiate & Activate Forward Momentum for Positive Impact
“Be the "Liker"
“If you want to be liked, BE THE LIKER!” This was some of the best advice my enlightened mother ever gave me. Throughout my childhood, teen years, and adulthood, this golden nugget of simple wisdom empowered me to take personal responsibility for developing friendships.
When you want to reach out, make new friends, and increase your likeability factor, step up and “like” others first. They will usually mirror your initiative and like you back.”
Source: The Art of Action: 8 Ways to Initiate & Activate Forward Momentum for Positive Impact
“Ignoring his advice, I got up, walked over, gently rested my hands on two of their shoulders and said, “Ladies, I have to tell you how much you have impressed me. I just moved to Madison from Florida and left behind all my girlfriends. I have been sitting over there admiring your friendships. You remind me so much of my girlfriends back home and I had to come over and speak with you.” And without missing a beat, I next asked, “Can I be your friend?” They were so impressed by my sincere request, they kindly opened their circle and invited me in.”
Source: The Art of Action: 8 Ways to Initiate & Activate Forward Momentum for Positive Impact
“Begin to take the initiative when you want to meet someone new. Be the one who steps forward first. Simply say hello and begin a conversation.”
Source: The Art of Action: 8 Ways to Initiate & Activate Forward Momentum for Positive Impact
“I spend a great deal of time on airplanes traveling from one speaking engagement to the next. There have been times when I have sat for hours next to strangers with whom I never made eye contact or uttered a word. But then I have also met people with whom I engaged in such delightful conversation that it resulted in new business and referrals. The main difference was whether or not I took initiative to begin a conversation.”
Source: The Art of Action: 8 Ways to Initiate & Activate Forward Momentum for Positive Impact
“Introduce Yourself. Being confident and outgoing will empower you to approach new people who might be reluctant to take the first step. It is amazing how many people we come in contact with yet pass like ships in the night without any engagement or connection.”
Source: The Art of Action: 8 Ways to Initiate & Activate Forward Momentum for Positive Impact
“Take the initiative to introduce yourself. One morning I was sitting on a bike in a spinning class at my gym. There was a lady whom I did not know sitting on the bike next to me. As we waited for the instructor, I decided to break the silence and start a conversation. I took the initiative to introduce myself and within a few short minutes, I knew her children’s names, how long she had lived in Madison, which exercise classes she preferred, and where they went for Christmas. When the class was over, I confirmed that I remembered her name correctly, reminded her of mine and shared that it was a true pleasure meeting her. A simple introduction turned a stranger into a fresh and delightful new acquaintance.”
Source: The Art of Action: 8 Ways to Initiate & Activate Forward Momentum for Positive Impact