“Not wanting the girls to endure the shame of a crazy mother, I spent my days acting as normal as possible. I walked through life, an actor in a Leave it to Beaver episode, determined to disguise all clues of my real condition until... well, until I could find an appropriate moment to do away with myself." [...] "Yet even as my depression spiraled into ever more precarious territory, I retained an uncanny ability to disguise my true mental condition from everyone except Tom. He was my sole source of strength and he never stopped encouraging me.” ActingEmotionDespairDepressionMental HealthMental IllnessPretendingDisguiseHopelessnessDissociative Identity DisorderMultiple Personality DisorderDaughtersDepressiveMpdSuicidalitySevere DepressionSuicidehopeless Book:Wholeness: My Healing Journey from Ritual Abuse Source: Wholeness: My Healing Journey from Ritual Abuse
“At cocktail parties, I played the part of a successful businessman's wife to perfection. I smiled, I made polite chit-chat, and I dressed the part. Denial and rationalization were two of my most effective tools in working my way through our social obligations. I believed that playing the roles of wife and mother were the least I could do to help support Tom's career. During the day, I was a puzzle with innumerable pieces. One piece made my family a nourishing breakfast. Another piece ferried the kids to school and to soccer practice. A third piece managed to trip to the grocery store. There was also a piece that wanted to sleep for eighteen hours a day and the piece that woke up shaking from yet another nightmare. And there was the piece that attended business functions and actually fooled people into thinking I might have something constructive to offer. I was a circus performer traversing the tightwire, and I could fall off into a vortex devoid of reality at any moment. There was, and had been for a very long time, an intense sense of despair. A self-deprecating voice inside told me I had no chance of getting better. I lived in an emotional black hole. p20-21, talking about dissociative identity disorder (formerly multiple personality disorder).” RealitySocialActingEmotionPiecesDespairDepressionPerfectionMental HealthMental IllnessDenialHopelessPretendingHopelessnessCircusDissociative Identity DisorderMultiple Personality DisorderBlack HoleSocial AnxietyRationalizationPuzzleMpdDidPartsFunctioning Book:Wholeness: My Healing Journey from Ritual Abuse Source: Wholeness: My Healing Journey from Ritual Abuse