The Curious Case of the Talking Mongoose

“The Salem Witch Trials were about little else than bored girls letting their stories spin murderously out of control.”

MurderControlGirlsWitchSalemWitch Trails

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“Pent-up, resentful young girls are not known for conjuring an imp to hold sometimes-polite conversations with the guardians stifling them.”

GirlsResentmentPoliteConjuringImp

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“If you press a trickster to show themselves, you will find a reliable phenomenon quiet at once. The trickster will pop out from behind the rock and laugh at your disgrace once the crowd has dispersed.”

LaughterPhenomenonLaughDisgraceTrickTrickster

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“As one learns from Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein—and all the media that has since made that story its ancestor—a creation’s first act is to free itself of its creator, violently if necessary.”

FreedomViolenceCreationCreatorFreeFrankensteinMary ShelleyFrankenstein S Monster

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“The mongoose took a while to warm to the family, at least enough that he did not as often threaten their life and livestock.”

LifeFamilyThreatLivestockThreatenGef The Talking Mongoose

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“Underneath all their deserved frustration with the mongoose is often the sort of love one might have for the black sheep of one’s family, a kind of He may be obnoxious, but he is ours.”

LoveFamilyAnnoyingObnoxiousAnnoyanceBlack SheepGef The Talking Mongoose

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“Now, people would no doubt pay richly for the chance to spend the night at a remote home potentially occupied by a verbal varmint, but this attitude was a half-century away from the Irvings’ occupancy.”

HauntingHauntedAirbnbGef The Talking MongooseVrbo

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“Making a poltergeist can be a simple recipe: allow a girl to have her first menstrual period, tell her she is a naughty girl for thinking dirty thoughts, punish her, bore her, disenfranchise her from her life, and wait. It is not a universal outcome. More than likely, you will summon nothing more than a moody teenager who slams her bedroom door and wishes aloud she had never been born. In exceptional cases, the dishes will fly off the shelves.”

GirlGhostTeenagerHauntingHauntedMenstruationPunishPoltergeist

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“A poltergeist is the byproduct of a repressed girl (and, yes, we are typically dealing with young girls; boys tend to feel more in control and have coping mechanisms beyond psychokinesis).”

GirlFeminismGhostHauntingRepressionPsychicHauntPoltergeist

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“It was a rare time in history when a man chose to believe a girl when doubting her provided a more straightforward narrative.”

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“One can point to countless Sasquatches and their morphological kin, ghosts by the bushel, and aliens by the mothership load, but Gef existed just this once.”

AliensGhostsBigfootUfosSasquatchCryptidGef The Talking MongooseUaps

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“I had not said the words attributed to me. Even if I had said them, they weren't defamatory. Even if they were, it was a private conversation. Also—not that I am admitting I said them—they are true.”

DefameMisquoteDefamatoryPrivate Conversation

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“There are always humbugs hungry for ink. It is the nature and bane of paranormal research. If we throw out all evidence for the sake of a few charlatans, the world would be a poorer place, and nothing would be solved.”

ResearchEvidenceHungerParanormalSupernaturalCharlatansHumbugParanormal Research

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“By being so bizarre when less was required, he peculiarly becomes more credible. Someone faking it would not go to these lengths unless they were profoundly committed to the bit, making it more likely this was a genuine personality, an actual trickster.”

BizarreCredibleTrickster

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“One does not need to look too deeply into the transcripts of witch trials before uncovering tortured women speaking of cavorting with everyday animals. (There does seem to be a size limit; one can converse with a devil in the form of a dog, but not a moose and surely not an elephant.)”

DogDevilTortureWitchAnimalsWitchcraftMooseWitch TrialsElephant

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“A talking mongoose, one must admit, is a more captivating figure than the typical Charlie McCarthy knockoff.”

ParanormalSupernaturalVentriloquismPuppetGef The Talking MongooseCharlie Mccarthy

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“Are UAPs (Unexplained Aerial Phenomena, the more precise name for what was erstwhile called UFOs) to be blamed on a technological-advanced interstellar society? Time travelers? Dimensional visitors? The fae folk in shiny metal suits?”

DimensionsTime TravelUfoFairiesAlienInterstellarUapVisitiors

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“It was an old house far from other people, and they were there specifically to make it less drafty and miserable. It would be stranger if there were no odd noises and eerie feelings.”

HouseHauntedEerieNoises

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“Gef’s story, which would have been nonsense even if it had not come from the mouth of a talking mongoose, was that he was born in New Delhi on June 7th, 1852. This meant he was at least eighty when he met the Irvings. On average, mongooses live twenty years, though this is the lifespan of a nonverbal mongoose. No one has yet established the longevity of one given the power of speech, but we may assume it is at least ninety.”

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“The only reason mongooses don’t speak regularly is that they are shy.”

MongooseGef The Talking MongooseMongooses

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“Squirrels are not indigenous to the Isle of Man, though quibbling about native species does seem bold when dealing with the reality of a talking mongoose.”

SquirrelsGef The Talking MongooseMongoosesIsle Of Man

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“Mongooses lack the larynx and jaws for speech, to say nothing of the motivation.”

MotivationSpeakSpeechJawsMongooseMongoosesLarynx

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“Physiologically, Gef was not a mongoose. He did not possess the almost canine forepaws of his supposed species but tiny articulated, three-fingered (and a thumb) appendages that could manipulate items and, as occasion demanded, squeeze the life out of the rabbits he would gift.”

RabbitsHandMongooseGef The Talking MongooseStranglePaw

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“With the paranormal, it is never a matter of them walking up to you and shaking your hand.”

ParanormalIntroductionShaking Hands

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