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Quote by Dylan Moran

“I can't relax here. These people have no pubic hair anywhere. We have pubic hair on the ceiling.”

Author

Dylan Moran is an Irish comedian known for his unique humor style and witty performances. Born on November 3, 1971, he has been active in the comedy scene since the 1990s. more

“People who get implants, it's so depressing, you know... People - I don't know. The route of that, you know, maybe they want more love or attention, or what it is, but they always go for the most obvious place, you know? Here... Well if you really want more attention, why not get them in your eyes? And then move your eyes down to where your nipples used to be, put your breasts up on your head, everybody will pay attention!”

People Ifs Knows Want Wells Humor Eye Funny Moving Used Pay Attention Obvious Used To Be Pay Attention Breasts Why Not Depressing Routes Implants Nipples

Author:Dylan Moran

“You're never going to go. Why would you go? It's a disgusting place. It's always wet even when it's dry. There's nothing there. Farmers aren't really people, you know this. They're just necessary, we need somebody to kill cows.”

People Knows Needs Humor Funny Dry Farmers Cows Wet Disgusting

Author:Dylan Moran

“You're supposed to eat the cows. They're great big lumbering stupid things - they'd be everywhere if we didn't eat them.”

Ifs Humor Bigs Funny Stupid Cows Stupid Things

Author:Dylan Moran

“Then you get these articles about how unhealthy life is in the city. You know; mobile phone tumours - far more likely in the city. Well you know what, so is everything else! Including sex, coffee and conversation.”

Knows Wells Humor Funny Life Is Sex Cities Conversation Including Phones Coffee Articles Mobile Unhealthy Mobile Phones

Author:Dylan Moran

“You learn very very quickly that it is mostly about swearing, actually. That's all you're doing, swearing, in a box with wheels.”

Humor Funny Boxes Wheels Swearing

Author:Dylan Moran

“You're talking to a modern, nice, affable German person and they're saying to you something like 'You know, vell, it's a critical time now for Germany within Europe, also globally, economically ve are pretty good, ve have been better. But ve are very vibrant in the theater and arts...' and all the time you'll be listening to this, you're thinking Mmm, yeah, mmm... Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler.”

Thinking Knows Persons Has Beens Art Humor Funny Talking Nice Modern Like You Listening Europe Theater Yeah Critical Germany Affable

Author:Dylan Moran

“Men look at breasts the way women look at babies. 'Aw, isn't that lovely?'”

Men Way Looks Humor Funny Baby Lovely Breasts

Author:Dylan Moran

“When you say 'Bedtime, bedtime, bedtime!' that's not what the child hears. What the child hears is 'Lie down in the dark... for hours... and don't move... I'm locking the door now.'”

Children Humor Funny Moving Lying Hours Dark Doors Bedtime

Author:Dylan Moran

Quote by Dylan Moran

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