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Quote by Tommy James

“If I don't get at least 1 email in any given hour, I begin to think my friends are conspiring against me.”

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Tommy James is an American musician known for his pop music achievements in the 1960s. He rose to fame with his band, Tommy James and the Shondells, which released several hit singles during that era. more

“Bought a pair of boots the other day, and they was some silicone gel in there. Big red letters said, "Do not eat." Do they really need that stuff in them boots? Is there really some dude opening a pair of boots goin', "Boy, look at them boots. What the hell? I better eat that. I don't know what the hell that is."”

Knows Needs Looks Said Bigs Funny Stuff Boys Hell Comedy Red Letters Opening Pairs Boots

Author:Larry the Cable Guy

“I love to smoke. I love to eat red meat. I'll only eat red meat that comes from cows who smoke, ok!? Special cows they grow in Virginia with voice boxes in their necks. "Moo"”

Funny Grows Voice Comedy Special Red Boxes Smoke Meat Necks Cows Virginia Red Meat

Author:Denis Leary

“I am interested in art as a means of living a life; not as a means of making a living.”

Mean Art Bad Ass Being An Artist Making A Living Inspirational Artist Inspirational Art

Author:Robert Henri

“My dad died, and my grandfather died, and my great-grandfather died. And the guy before him, I don't know. Probably died.”

Knows Funny Guy Comedy Dad Died My Dad Grandfather My Grandfather Father Died Great Grandfather Dad Died My Dad Died Grandfather Died

Author:Norm MacDonald

“When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.”

Funny Comedy Taxpayers

Author:Demetri Martin

“My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.”

Hands Funny Comedy Nice My Friends Smell Dirty Soap Coconuts

Author:Demetri Martin

“Sometimes I feel like I'm making a connection with a stranger, but then it turns out I'm not. Like, I was in a mall, and I saw this lady hitting her kid. So I went up to her, and I was like, "Yeah, get him!" She got all mad at me. I was like, "I'm on your side here."”

Feels Sometimes Kids Funny Turns Sides Saws Comedy Connections Yeah Mad Stranger Hitting Malls Your Side

Author:Demetri Martin

“Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, "I'm not racist, but..." I say, "I'm not racist, but you look great today." They say, "That wasn't racist at all." I said, "I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican."”

Ifs Knows Want Looks Said Sometimes Today Funny Attention Comedy Sentences Racist Typical Mexican

Author:Demetri Martin

“If you go to Bed Bath & Beyond without a coupon, people will wonder if you're OK.”

People Ifs Funny Wonder Comedy Bed Baths

Author:John Pinette

Quote by Tommy James

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