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Quote by Johann Sebastian Bach

“If I decide to be an idiot, then I'll be an idiot on my own accord.”

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Johann Sebastian Bach was a German composer, one of the most prominent figures of the Baroque period. His musical works have had a profound impact on Western music, particularly known for his polyphonic music and fugues. more

“God, she's growing up, and I don't know when it happened, man. I used to buy her Minnie Mouse panties and little Winnie the Pooh underwear. I was helping my wife fold cloths. I picked up a pair of skimpy underwear. I looked at my wife and said: "When you gonna wear these for me?" She goes, "I can't. They're your daughter's." "Aaaaaaahhhhhh! No, No, No!" There was nothing to them! The how-to-wash tag was the biggest piece of cloth on there.”

Knows Men Littles Said I Can Helping Used Growing Up Pieces Wife Growing Happened Daughter My Wife Pairs Mice Folds Underwear Tag Your Daughter Panties Minnie Minnie Mouse

Author:Bill Engvall

“I was always the Class Clown and over time became very good at it. I started doing comedy on stage at the Dallas Comedy Corner where I honed my skills by watching guys like Garry Shandling, Robin Williams, Jay Lena and more.”

Guy Class Comedy Stage Skills Very Good Corners Clown Robins Dallas

Author:Bill Engvall

“A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, Got stuck, huh? The truck driver says, No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.”

Knows Hands Walks Car Lows Police Come Up Driving Miles Stuck Hips Bridges Ran Gas Drivers Cop Truck Delivering Freeways Truck Driver Police Cars

Author:Bill Engvall

“If you thought Stairway to Heaven was a long song, dear god you should listen to it played on a lute.”

Ifs Should Long Song Heaven Dear Dear God Stairways Stairway To Heaven

Author:Bill Engvall

“In 1903 the Wright brothers invented airplanes, because in 1902 they took a road trip across the country with their family.”

Country Brother Airplane Road Trip Wright Brothers

Author:Bill Engvall

“I shot me a nice deer, and I hung it on the den wall in my house. My neighbor comes over and he says, Did you shoot that thing? I said, Nope. He ran through the wall and got stuck. Here's your sign.”

Said House Nice Wall Shots Neighbor Stuck Ran Hung Deer Dens

Author:Bill Engvall

“Went to the grocery store, got everything on my list and went up to the checkout. I put a bag of pet food for our rabbit on the conveyor. The girl looked at me and said, Do you have a rabbit? I looked at here and said deadpan, Nope. Just like 'em 'cause they're crunchy. Here's your sign.”

Said Girl Causes Stores Lists Pet Ems Bags Rabbits Groceries Grocery Stores Checkouts Crunchy Pet Food

Author:Bill Engvall

“One day I locked my keys in my car and as I was standing there with a hanger halfway through the top of my window, a guy walks up and says, Lock yer keys in the car? Without missin' a beat I said, Nope, Just washed it and was hanging it up to dry. Here's your sign.”

Said Guy Walks Car Keys One Day Beats Standing Window Dry Locked Locks Halfway Standing There Hangers

Author:Bill Engvall

Quote by Johann Sebastian Bach

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