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Quote by Craig Ferguson

“Al Qaeda has declared war on the Somali pirates. That is awesome! Evil against evil. Like Alien versus Predator or Cheney versus his lawyer.”

Quote by Craig Ferguson

Author

English biography, 120-180 words more

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“Yesterday, President-elect Barack Obama announced his new economic team. You know what he should do? Hire those people who were in charge of his fundraising campaign. We can pay this thing off in like a week.”

People Knows Should President Pay Week Team Economic Campaigns Yesterday Barack Fundraising

Author:Jay Leno

“It was reported today that the machine on board the International Space Station that turns urine into drinking water has been fixed. After hearing this, an astronaut said, 'Wait. You mean that wasn't lemon Tang?'”

Mean Has Beens Said Today Turns Waiting Water Space Machines Drinking International Hearing Fixed Boards Stations Astronaut Lemons Drinking Water International Space Station

Author:Conan O'Brien

“You folks feeling the economic pinch? Are you a little fed up with the economic news? It's bad. The department stores, this holiday season, no Santa Claus. They're laying off department-store Santa Clauses. So more bad news for John McCain.”

Littles Feelings Economic News Seasons Folks Stores Department Holiday Feds Santa Bad News Santa Claus Mccain Fed Up Clauses Holiday Season Department Stores Santa Clause

Author:David Letterman

“Sarah Palin. Remember Sarah Palin? She is adorable. She is back on the campaign trail. Really. She's going to campaign in the Senate runoff in Georgia. As soon as she finds out where Georgia is.”

Remember Campaigns Senate Trails Georgia Palin Adorable

Author:Craig Ferguson

“Hillary Clinton has reportedly accepted Barack Obama's offer to become secretary of state. That's what they're saying in the New York Times. Yeah, according to Bill Clinton, this is the first time in 20 years that Hillary has said 'yes.'”

Years Firsts Said States New York Offers First Time Yeah Bills Clinton Accepted Barack Secretary New York Times

Author:Conan O'Brien

“The three auto companies in the United States, they're all scrambling to come up with a plan, some way to reinvent themselves. Well this week Ford did its part. Ford unveiled a new hybrid, the Ford Fusion, which will get almost 40 miles to the gallon. Isn't that amazing? Yeah, and when asked how much it would cost, a spokesman for Ford said, '$25 billion.' They just want that money; they don't care. That's without mud flaps.”

Way Want Wells Said States Care Three United Company United States Plans Week Cost Yeah Come Up Don't Care Billions Miles Mud Hybrid Fusion Gallons

Author:Conan O'Brien

“U.N. officials said today they desperately need $7 billion to help people cope with disasters, but they're having a hard time getting people to send rescue money. Here's what the UN should do: Invest in bad mortgages, run a bank into the ground, give yourself a bonus, get some spa treatments and, in no time, the government will send you $750 billion.”

People Needs Giving Should Said Hard Helping Government Running Today Billions Disaster Officials Hard Times Treatment Rescue Mortgage Bonus Having A Hard Time Spas

Author:Jay Leno

“Hezbollah and the government are only two of 18 political factions in Lebanon, most of them armed. There are militant Christian groups, Palestinian radicals, al-Qaida, Druze militias and even armed bands of Marxists still operating in Lebanon.”

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Author:Richard Engel

“For me, I find that even though I've accomplished a few things in my life, looking back on accomplishments doesn't give me a sense of satisfaction.”

Giving Give Me Satisfaction Accomplishment Accomplished Looking Back

Author:Alan Alda

“We cannot know the young child's personality by studying his systems of interest, for his attention is as yet too labile, his reactions impulsive, and interests unformed. From adolescence onward, however, the surest clue to personality is the hierarchy of interests, including the loves and loyalties of adult life.”

Knows Children Young Interest Attention Study Personality Adults Including Loyalty Reactions Adolescence Clue Hierarchy Young Children Impulsive Love And Loyalty

Book:Becoming; Basic Considerations for a Psychology of Personality

Source: Becoming; Basic Considerations for a Psychology of Personality