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Quote by Dave Barry

“Do not put this product in a big vat and drop rats into it from a cat-walk.”

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Dave Barry is a renowned American humorist, born on July 3, 1947. His works are known for their unique humor style and satirical observations of everyday life. more

“But that's kind of an easy stance to be if you're a humor columnist, because you're tending to make fun of the government and the powerful. I'm sort of a soft-core libertarian in that my compass is generally pointing away from 'Let's let the government do this' Does it matter to me that it's Democrats who think we need more elaborate programs that involve shifting money from one group to another group or it's Republicans saying we need to take a harder look at what kinds of things people are watching on cable TV? Neither one of those things strikes me as a good idea.”

“Whatever the needs of the public are, the government responds to those needs by getting larger.”

Needs Government

Book:Dave Barry Hits Below the Beltway

Source: Dave Barry Hits Below the Beltway

“Why can't Americans do their own taxes? Because the federal Tax Code is out of control, that's why. It's gigantic and insanely complex, and it gets worse all the time. Nobody has ever read the whole thing. IRS workers are afraid to go into the same ROOM with it.”

Whole Rooms Taxes Complexes Workers Code Irs Federal Taxes

Author:Dave Barry

“We're wild horses. We're going to eat your food, knock down your tent and poop on your shoes. We're protected by federal law, just like Richard Nixon.”

Law Horse Shoes Protected Tents Poop Wild Horses

Author:Dave Barry

“I played lead guitar in a band called The Federal Duck, which is the kind of name that was popular in the '60s as a result of controlled substances being in widespread use. Back then, there were no restrictions, in terms of talent, on who could make an album, so we made one, and it sounds like a group of people who have been given powerful but unfamiliar instruments as a therapy for a degenerative nerve disease.”

People Kind Has Beens Made Use Names Given Sound Term Results Powerful Groups Talent Band Disease Instruments Guitar Albums Substance Therapy Nerves Controlled Ducks Restriction Unfamiliar

Author:Dave Barry

“I have come up with a sure-fire concept for a hit television show, which would be called `A Live Celebrity Gets Eaten by a Shark'.”

Shows Would Be Fire Television Concepts Come Up Sharks Television Shows

Book:Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

Source: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

“Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it.”

Firsts Used Names

Author:Dave Barry

“If Congress were to pass a 'flat' tax, you'd simply pay a fixed percentage of your income, and you wouldn't have to fill out any complicated forms, and there would be no loopholes for politically connected groups, and normal people would actually understand the tax laws, and giant talking broccoli stalks would come around and mow your lawn for free, because Congress is NOT going to pass a flat tax, you pathetic fool.”

People Ifs Would Be Form Law Pay Talking Groups Fool Taxes Normal Congress Complicated Connected Income Fixed Giants Flats Percentages Pathetic Lawns Stalking Loopholes Broccoli Flat Tax

Author:Dave Barry

“As Americans we must always remember that we all have a common enemy, an enemy that is dangerous, powerful, and relentless. I refer, of course, to the federal government.”

Government Remember Courses Powerful Common Enemy Dangerous Libertarian Federal Government Relentless Common Enemy

Author:Dave Barry

“Back then, the entire Internet consisted of two slow, boxcar-sized UNIVAC computers about 50 feet apart, connected by a wire. It would take one of these computers an entire day to send an email to the other one, which would immediately delete it, because it was a Viagra ad.”

Two Feet Internet Computer Connected Ads Email Wire Viagra

Author:Dave Barry

Quote by Dave Barry

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