Home / Quotes / Quote by Dave Attell

Quote by Dave Attell

“If you take off your pants and her first reaction is, "Awwww, look at it...like a little baby Jesus." Time to buy a Porsche.”

Quote by Dave Attell

Author

Dave Attell is an American comedian known for his unique humor style and sharp wit. Born on January 18, 1965, he gained prominence in the comedy scene since the early 1990s. Attell is recognized for his performances that often tackle social and political topics, making him a landmark figure in contemporary comedy. more

You May Also Like

“Are you shooting webs of stupid at me?”

Humor Funny Stupid Shooting

Author:Dave Attell

“I also try to think of ways to articulate the joke more economically.”

Thinking Way Trying Humor Funny Jokes

Author:David Cross

“I really don't have a problem with gay marriage... because I'm tolerant and rational.”

Problem Humor Funny Gay Rational Gay Marriage

Author:David Cross

“If you wanna find out 101 things to do with plums, heh, read your in-flight magazine.”

Ifs Humor Funny Flight Magazines Things To Do Plums

Author:David Cross

“What President of the Airline is doing is, he's urging everyone to give up their frequent flyer miles for sick kids... But as I was reading this, there were two empty seats next to me. Why can't sick kids sit there? If they're so concerned with sick kids, shouldn't they have like a pen of sick kids next to the gate?”

Ifs Giving Two Humor Kids Funny Reading Next President Giving Up Concerned Empty Sick Miles Seats Gates Pens Airline Flyers Empty Seats Sick Kids

Author:David Cross

“We get to see it! January 1st, 2000! We get to see... all those fundamentalist preachers having to do their backpedaling when the Armageddon doesn't occur.”

Humor Funny Preacher January Fundamentalist Armageddon January 1st

Author:David Cross

“High Times magazine is a notch intellectually below Highlights for Children. I mean, they're both great to read when you're baked, but come on, ya know.”

Knows Mean Children Humor Funny Magazines Highlights Notches Time Magazine

Author:David Cross

“I have a few business ideas (that I'm going to advertise in High Times, amongst other places), and one of them is a service in which I offer to eat and describe pork to kosher people.”

People Ideas Humor Funny Offers Pork Business Ideas Kosher

Author:David Cross

“Because you've been on dates where y'know, you forget to open your eyes and wear pants and speak English.”

Knows Humor Eye Funny Speak Forget Pants Speak English

Author:David Cross

“[On the Dating Handbook] 'With a telescope, some munchies, and a warm blanket, watch for Halley's comet.' Yeah. I like that. There's no time limit. Just sit there and grow old together.”

Humor Funny Together Grows Watches Limits Yeah Warm Blanket Telescopes Comets Time Limit Halley's Comet

Author:David Cross