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Quote by Daniel Tosh

“Canadians complain too much. 'I like seasons.' So do I; that's why I live in a place that skips the [unpleasant] ones.”

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Daniel Tosh

Daniel Tosh is an American comedian, writer, and television host. He is known for his unique sense of humor and satirical commentary, best known for his work on the TBS comedy show 'Daniel Tosh Show'. more

“I don't know why people don't paint more warthogs. Warthogs are fantastic. They have the most marvelous faces, like cracked mud with tusks. And the eyelashes! Like many otherwise hideous animals, they have truly spectacular eyelashes. But nooo, it's always the charismatic mammals, like foxes and wolves and tigers. Have you ever smelled a fox? Believe me, the warthog produces a light, airy fragrance suitable for the home or office compared to a fox. Um. What was I saying again?”

“Once upon a time there was a girl who discovered that if she played a certain tune on a jade flute, she could summon up jade gnomes, a peculiar, harmless, but rather creepy looking spirit of the underground. The fact is that many of us have talents like this, but generally never discover them due to lack of opportunity, since one can go one's entire life without playing a jade flute, or discovering that one can speak the language of ground sloths, or turning fruitcake into solid tungsten by singing Sinatra tunes to it under a quarter moon.”

Ifs Facts Spirit Certain Girl Opportunity Speak Language Talent Moon Singing Dues Tunes Peculiar Quarters Discovering Creepy Once Upon A Time Sloth Flutes Gnome Jade Fruitcake

Author:Ursula Vernon

“I am automatically suspicious of things that wave their symbolism around and do little dances and bludgeon you over the head so that you [Darn] Well Know There's A Symbol Here.”

Knows Wells Littles Wave Symbols Suspicious Symbolism

Author:Ursula Vernon

“The minute I sit down and think 'Okay, this must be KID SAFE!' my Muse develops Tourrette's and goes to lunch with Clive Barker, and my mind plunges into the gutter and I draw an appalling blank on anything that is not violent, gory, profanity laden, or depraved. So I think the only way I can ever do kid's books if I plan not to do kid's books. If that makes any sense.”

Ifs Thinking Way Mind I Can Book Kids Plans Minutes Safe Draws Okay Down And Violent Lunch Blank Muse Plunge Profanity Gutters Depraved

Author:Ursula Vernon

“Every now and again, a painting will get away from my control and take over. Sometimes it's a good thing. Sometimes it's a giant drooling hairy thing with pointy teeth. You know how it is.”

Knows Sometimes Know How Painting Good Things Teeth Giants Get Away Drooling

Author:Ursula Vernon

“Air and Water can just swirl around being swirly, and Fire is just kind of aggressive, but my gut feeling is that Earth needs to work for a living. Earth has stuff to be doing. Earth is busy. Earth is solid and responsible and works hard. Earth is reliable. Earth is the designated driver of the elements and will always come over and feed the cat when you're out of town.”

Needs Kind Hard Feelings Earth Stuff Water Fire Air Hard Work Elements Cat Towns Responsible Busy Guts Drivers Aggressive Gut Feelings Swirls Air And Water

Author:Ursula Vernon

“I really wish there had been a way to phrase this as 'A thunder of worms.' Because I like that phrase. That's a phrase with soul. Worm thunder on the horizon, all is right with the cosmos.”

Way Soul Wish Phrases Cosmos Horizon Worms Thunder

Author:Ursula Vernon

Quote by Daniel Tosh

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