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Quote by Mitch Hedberg

“Chicago is known as the Windy City, and Montana is called the Big Sky State, so I think that we should somehow combine the two to create the ultimate kite-flying experience.”

Quote by Mitch Hedberg

Author

Mitch Hedberg was an American comedian born on February 24, 1968. He was known for his unique humor style and insightful observations. Hedberg's career was brief, but he left a lasting impression in the comedy world with his witty sarcasm and humorous wisdom. more

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“I think a rotisserie is like a really morbid ferris wheel for chickens. It’s a strange piece of machinery . . . We will take the chicken, kill it, impale it, and then rotate it. And I’ll be damned if I’m not hungry! Because spinning chicken carcasses make my mouth water! I like dizzy chicken. With a side of potatoes of some sort.”

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Author:Mitch Hedberg

“We don't have to fix anything.”

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I'm the kind of person who just can't wait to get on a train and not know where I'm going. I definitely want to live life to the fullest. And that's the type of man I'm attracted to - somebody with that spontaneous spirit.”

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“Once I saw a duck walking down the street so I went into Subway and ordered two pieces of bread, and they informed me that they could not do that, like there was some speical rule at Subway that two pieces of bread weren't allowed to touch. So the woman asked me what I wanted on the sandwich and I said I do not care, it is for a duck, and she was like oh then it's free. I was not aware that ducks eat for free at Subway. It's like give me a chicken fajita sub, but don't worry about ringing it up, it is for a duck.”

Giving Said Two Care Wanted Worry Saws Pieces Streets Walking Give Me Bread Chickens Ducks Sandwiches Subway

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“Say, I was on The Craig Kilbourne Show and the next day I flew to Minneapolis. I was at the airport and a guy came up. He said, 'Dude, I saw you on TV last night.' But he did not say whether or not he thought I was good, he just confirmed that I was on television. So I turned my head away from him for about a minute, then I turned it back. I said, 'Dude, I saw you at the airport about a minute ago. And you were good.'”

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“At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said Certainly. He said Do I need to dial 9 I say Yeah. Especially if it's in the number. You can try four and five back to back real quick.”

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“I have an underwater camera just in case I crash my car into a river, and at the last minute I see a photo opportunity of a fish that I have never seen.”

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“Swiss Cheese is a rip-off It's the only cheese I can bite into and miss”

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“Onions make me sad, a lot of people don't realize that. When I'm cutting onions, I'm sad. Because the plight of onions, it's sad. But people don't realize I'm actually crying - they think I'm just reacting.”

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“I like cinnamon rolls, but I don't always have time to make a pan. That's why I wish they would sell cinnamon roll incense. After all I'd rather light a stick and have my roommate wake up with false hopes.”

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