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Quote by Dave Barry

“The Russians will never be able to get their missiles thought the dense protective layer of delayed flights circling over the United States in complex, puke-inducing holding patterns.”

Quote by Dave Barry

Author

Dave Barry is a renowned American humorist, born on July 3, 1947. His works are known for their unique humor style and satirical observations of everyday life. more

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“The planes are crowded and noisy and late, and everybody hates everybody. If armed terrorists had tried to hijack any of the flights I've been on lately, we passengers would have swiftly beaten them to death with those hard rolls you get with your in-flight meals.”

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“Funny, isn't it? The airlines go to all that trouble to keep you from taking a gun on board, then they just hand you a dinner roll you could kill a musk ox with.”

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“If Charles Lindbergh, flying with no instruments other than a bologna sandwich, managed to cross the Atlantic and land safely on a runway completely covered with French people, why are today's airplanes, which are equipped with radar and computers and individualized liquor bottles, unable to cope with fog?”

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“I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.”

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“Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus.”

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“The captain has just turned on the fasten-seat-belt-sign. He didn't mean to, but the joint he was smoking fell in his lap, and when he jumped up, his head hit the switch.”

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“I like terra firma; the more firma, the less terra.”

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“I was told to hand over my disposable lighter, to prevent, I suppose, any threat of "Do what I say or I'll light this Marlboro and you'll all die - in thirty years due to inhalation of secondhand smoke."”

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“Modern air travel means less time spent in transit. That time is now spent in transit lounges.”

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“Look at airport security now. What started out as definite racial profiling is now where the computer picks a name. That's why you get a seven-month-old getting a pat down. [Imitates a security officer.] "Check the diapers. They're full."”

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