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I Quotes

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All I Quotes

“I realised I really was shy. And once I was in it, I couldn't escape. I'd go to talk and find my face was made of cement. Nothing would come out. On winter days, I'd feel myself turning grey at the edges and fading into the walls. Was this defensive strategy? It was paralysing. And it went on for years.”

“I realised one day not so long ago, that I believe in many things, but that I do not trust any of them. I have, for the longest time, not trusted anything that I believe in. And so it dawned upon me: that belief and trust are two entirely different things. One may believe wholeheartedly without trusting for a minute. I have been like a seed in the ground: believing that the Sun is shining somewhere up there; believing that rain falls and that it probably feels really good too; believing that there is Winter and Summer, Spring and Fall... but never trusting anything that I believe in enough to break through the soil and reach my branches up towards the sky! The French have a saying from the 15'th Century: "Fleuris là où tu es plantée", which means, "Bloom where you are planted". Blooming has everything to do with trust, I have discovered, and very little to do with belief. To become anything at all, the seed must trust. And so shall I.”

“I realised something else at that point, I used smokes to avoid talking about emotional things, “Just nipping for a smoke” when someone started talking about something I didn't want to talk about. “Just off for a fag, back in a minute” when someone came in that I didn't like. I was using it as a crutch to get out of speaking my mind and I'd never been shy of speaking my mind. What else had I used smoking to cover up? I realised in that moment that smoking was not my friend, it was my enemy disguised as my friend. It was the ultimate head fuck. It made me feel great whilst it was screwing me but it was screwing me.”

“I realised that I did not want only to imagine, as a normal person might be satisfied with doing. They had roused within me a wild desire to be like them, to be them, to find the pleasure that they had found – a dark forbidden pleasure – and to act with the same beautiful voracity, the same unbounded passion as they had acted, showing neither shame nor fear nor uncertainty, only the most primal of desires.”