“John Kerry and Ralph Nader met face-to-face, it was a historic meeting. Astronomers said today their meeting actually created what is called a 'charisma black hole.'” SaidTodayFacesBlackMetsMeetingsHolesHistoricFace To FaceCharismaJohn KerryAstronomersBlack Hole Author:Jay Leno
“John Kerry and the other Democratic leaders are on the wrong side of history, as they were during the Reagan presidency. If they had won the day, and Reagan had failed, the Soviet Union would still exist, as would all the harm and suffering it unleashed, and American security would be far weaker as a result. And if they win this election thanks to a promise to undo the Reagan-Bush Doctrine, those cheering loudest will be the most evil-loving among us.” IfsStillsWould BeSufferingEvilWinningSidesResultsLeaderSecurityPromiseElectionUnionsDemocraticHarmDoctrineThanksCheerSovietPresidencySoviet UnionJohn KerryUnleashedDemocratic Leaders Author:Mark Levin
“John Kerry announced his plan for how to handle those poor naked prisoners. His wife is going to buy them all a $1,000 Armani suit.” PoorWifePlansHandleNakedSuitsPrisonerJohn KerryArmani Author:Craig Kilborn
“John Kerry announced that he and his wife are leaving on a week-long vacation. He's going to take her back to the place where he first proposed to her - at her bank.” FirstsLongWifeWeekLeavingVacationJohn KerryLong Vacation Author:Jay Leno
“John Kerry believes in an America where hard work is rewarded.” BelieveHardAmericaHard WorkJohn Kerry Author:Barack Obama
“John Kerry can be absolutely ruthless. I would not want to be on his enemies list when he's ready to go after you.” WantEnemyReadyListsRuthlessJohn Kerry Author:Douglas Brinkley
“John Kerry described his Republican critics as 'the most crooked, lying group I've ever seen.' Now, that's saying something, because Kerry's both a lawyer and a politician.” LyingGroupsPoliticianRepublicanCriticsLawyerCrookedJohn Kerry Author:Jay Leno
“John Kerry doesn't think in terms of black-and-white. He's all gray, and he looks at all sides of the issues. That makes people think he likes to be devil's advocate. Whatever you say, he'll challenge you on.” PeopleThinkingLooksSidesBlackTermChallengesWhiteIssuesDevilLikesGrayBlack And WhiteJohn KerryWhatever You SayDevil's Advocate Author:Douglas Brinkley
“John Kerry fell off of his bicycle over the weekend. He went for a Sunday afternoon ride, fell off in front of the news media. Luckily, his hair broke the fall so it's not as serious. ... Thankfully, Senator Kerry was not seriously injured. In fact, when the police arrived, Kerry was well enough to give conflicting reports to the officers about what happened.” GivingWellsEnoughFactsFallHappenedMediaFrontsSeriousHairNewsPoliceBrokeReportsSundayOfficersAfternoonWeekendSenatorsInjuredBicycleJohn KerryNews MediaSunday Afternoons Author:Jay Leno
“John Kerry gave the enemy for free what I and many of my comrades in North Vietnam in the prison camps took torture to avoid saying.” EnemyPrisonTortureCampsVietnamComradeJohn Kerry Author:Paul Galanti
“John Kerry had surgery on his right shoulder this week to repair some damage. It was pretty bad, he had no feeling. It was almost like he was a Republican.” FeelingsWeekRepublicanShouldersDamageSurgeryJohn Kerry Author:David Letterman
“John Kerry has apologized for saying those who do not study hard and do their homework will get stuck in Iraq. Now, those that do not campaign well and are boring will end up stuck in the Senate.” WellsEndsHardStudyIraqBoringCampaignsStuckSenateHomeworkJohn Kerry Author:Jay Leno
“John Kerry has promised to take this country back from the wealthy. Who better than the guy worth $700 million to take the country back? See, he knows how the wealthy think. He can spy on them at his country club, at his place in Palm Beach, at his house in the Hamptons. He's like a mole for the working man.” ThinkingKnowsMenCountryGuyHouseMillionsKnow HowClubsBeachWealthyPalmsSpyJohn KerryWorking ManMolesCountry ClubsHamptonsPalm Beach Author:Jay Leno
“John Kerry is a sphincter. Okay, that's a bit juvenile.” BitsOkayJohn KerryJuvenile Author:Jonah Goldberg
“John Kerry is busy trying to raise money right now for his campaign. It was reported today that Kerry's hoping to raise $80 million before the Democratic convention. That's a lot of money. Yeah, Kerry has two ways to raise the $80 million: soliciting Democratic donors and going through his wife's purse.” WayTryingTwoTodayMillionsWifeRight NowRaisesYeahDemocraticBusyCampaignsConventionsLots Of MoneyTwo WaysPursesJohn KerryDonors Author:Conan O'Brien
“John Kerry is finding out that it is no fun to be the front runner, that's when you get all the heat. He had to deny internet rumors this week that he had Botox treatments. The Republicans say Kerry should have a clear, unfurrowed brow the old fashioned way by not giving a sh--.” WayGivingShouldFunClearWeekFrontsInternetRepublicanFindingsShould HaveDenyHeatTreatmentRunnersOld FashionedRumorBrowsJohn KerryBotox Author:Bill Maher
“John Kerry is recovering nicely after having prostate surgery. But the doctors did tell him it would be several months before he could be sexually active again. All the other Democratic candidates have been very supportive. Joe Lieberman called to wish him the best. The Rev. Al Sharpton called to offer prayers. Former President Bill Clinton called Mrs. Kerry and asked if she was lonely.” IfsHas BeensWould BeWishPresidentPrayerMonthsOffersLonelyDoctorsBillsDemocraticClintonActiveFormerCandidatesAlsSurgerySupportiveSexuallyJohn KerryRecoveringProstatePresident Bill Clinton Author:Jay Leno
“John Kerry keeping a low profile this week. He said he wanted to get away and go someplace where no one would expect to see him. So I guess he showed up at his old seat in the Senate. Nobody's going to look for him there.” LooksSaidWantedWeekLowsSeatsGet AwaySenateProfileJohn Kerry Author:Jay Leno
“John Kerry knows more about more subjects than an awful lot of people. But I think it's a very hard job [Secretary of State].” PeopleThinkingKnowsHardStatesJobsSubjectsAwfulSecretaryJohn Kerry Author:Madeleine Albright
“John Kerry made a joke about Bush being a moron, and now Bush wants morons to think it was a joke was about the troops. ... Now, John Kerry has apologized. He said he made a botched joke and admitted that he has a joking problem. He has checked into an improv group and revealed that as a child, he was molested by a clown.” ThinkingWantChildrenMadeSaidProblemGroupsJokesTroopsClownMoronJohn Kerry Author:Bill Maher
“John Kerry met with Ralph Nader last week. Both sides of every issue were discussed. And then, Nader spoke.” LastsSidesIssuesWeekMetsSpokesBoth SidesJohn Kerry Author:Jay Leno
“John Kerry now getting slammed by the Republicans because of a botched joke he did about President Bush and Iraq in a recent speech. Kerry was stunned about this. He said, 'What? People are listening to my speeches?'” PeopleSaidPresidentListeningRepublicanSpeechJokesIraqPresident BushJohn KerryStunned Author:Jay Leno
“John Kerry presented his confidence and his convictions. It's not about confidence, it's about evidence. The Russians have completely opposite evidence that the missiles were thrown from an area where the rebels control. This reminds me - what Kerry said - about the big lie that Collin Powell said in front of the world on satellites about the WMD in Iraq before going to war. He said "this is our evidence."” WorldSaidWarBigsLyingFrontsEvidenceAreasOppositesIraqConvictionThrownRebelMissilesSatellitesJohn KerryWmdWell SaidGoing To WarWmds In Iraq Author:Bashar al-Assad
“John Kerry reportedly flew in his private hairdresser before his "Meet the Press" interview for a total cost of $1,000. That's $1,000 for a haircut, which sounds like a lot, but have you seen the size of Kerry's head.” SoundCostPressesSizeInterviewsFlewHaircutsJohn KerryHairdresser Author:Jay Leno
“John Kerry said today he wants to debate President Bush once a month. Hey good luck, if Bush couldn't make it to the National Guard once a month, he's not going to show up for this.” IfsWantSaidShowsTodayPresidentMonthsLuckDebateHeyGood LuckPresident BushJohn KerryNational Guard Author:Jay Leno
“John Kerry said today that he wants to get rid of tax cuts for the rich and his wife said, 'Hey, shut up! What's the matter with you?! Are you nuts?!'” WantSaidMatterTodayRichCuttingWifeTaxesHeyNutsShut UpTax CutsJohn Kerry Author:Jay Leno
“John Kerry says that foreign leaders want him to be president, but that he can't name the foreign leaders. That's all right, President Bush can't name them either.” WantNamesPresidentLeaderPresident BushWant HimJohn Kerry Author:David Letterman
“John Kerry says that he wants to debate President Bush once a month until the election. This could be a risky move for Senator Kerry. If Bush doesn't show up for the debates, John Kerry may end up debating an empty chair. And that could be pretty much a toss up as to which one has the better personality.” IfsWantMayEndsShowsMovingPresidentMonthsPersonalityEmptyElectionDebateChairsSenatorsPresident BushBetter PersonTossJohn Kerry Author:Jay Leno
“John Kerry says the 'W' in George W. Bush stands for 'Wrong.' But he still can't explain what John Kerry stands for.” StillsJohn Kerry Author:David Letterman
“John Kerry speaks French fluently. Democrats are saying he's one in a million. A war hero who speaks French, isn't it more like one in a trillion?” WarSpeakMillionsDemocracyHeroDemocratJohn KerryWar HeroSpeaks FrenchOne In A Million Author:Jay Leno
“John Kerry spent the day reading to preschoolers ... and the kids said Kerry actually lacked warmth and failed to articulate a clear message.” SaidKidsReadingClearMessagesWarmthJohn Kerry Author:David Letterman
“John Kerry suspended his campaign for five days this week in honor of President Reagan. And right now, he's ahead in the polls. How's that make him feel? Disappears for a week and he's up in the polls. What else can he do now but go into hiding.” FeelsPresidentFiveWeekHonorRight NowDisappearCampaignsHidingPollsSuspendedJohn KerryPresident Reagan Author:Jay Leno
“John Kerry told Tom Ridge he was too busy to receive a Homeland Security briefing. I thought that was odd, since you're not supposed to ignore terrorist threats until after you become president.” PresidentSecurityThreatBusyTerroristOddTomsToo BusyHomelandJohn KerryRidgesHomeland SecurityBriefing Author:David Letterman
“John Kerry tried to work with the Russians on Syria, and the man was honorable, because he was trying to do the right thing, and frankly, playing a very weak hand, a hand that was weak not because of him, okay. He did the best he could, but I will say this to his enormous credit: he never offered a dirty deal. You can have Ukraine if you only help us out on Syria. Never - he never did that.” IfsMenTryingHelpingHandsDealsHe ManWeakOkayCreditEnormousDirtyRight ThingSyriaHonorableUkraineJohn Kerry Author:Daniel Fried
“John Kerry wants to be the hero in his own drama. He likes King Arthur and the Round Table. He likes the young swashbuckling Churchill, and he loved the early antics of Theodore Roosevelt.” WantYoungKingsHeroDramaTablesRoundsLikesArthurJohn KerryKing ArthurTheodoreAntics Author:Douglas Brinkley
“John Kerry was the big winner in Iowa. Ted Kennedy introduced Kerry as the 'comeback kid.' That used to be Bill Clinton's name - because every time he would come back to a city, he would find out if he had a kid or not.” IfsBigsKidsUsedNamesCitiesBillsClintonUsed To BeWinnerComebackJohn KerryIowaTed Kennedy Author:Jay Leno
“John Kerry went duck hunting and he's doing that to fulfill his campaign pledge to hunt down the ducks and kill them wherever they are! Kerry did pretty well; he came back with four ducks and three Purple Hearts.” WellsHeartThreeFourCampaignsHuntingDucksHuntsPurplePledgeJohn KerryDuck HuntingPurple Heart Author:David Letterman
“John Kerry went hunting today. He said he killed a goose. He didn't bring Teresa along because he was a little rusty and he was afraid he might kill the goose that laid the golden egg.” LittlesSaidMightTodayGoldenEggsHuntingGeeseJohn KerryTeresaGolden Eggs Author:Jay Leno
“John Kerry will be the Democratic nominee for president. Democrats finally found someone who is Al Gore without the flash and the sizzle.” FoundPresidentDemocraticDemocratAlsFlashGoreJohn KerryFound Someone Author:Craig Kilborn
“John Kerry will undergo surgery to repair his right shoulder. He originally hurt it when he suddenly switched positions on Iraq.” HurtPositionIraqShouldersSurgeryJohn Kerry Author:Craig Kilborn
“John Kerry's biography was central to his campaign.” CampaignsBiographiesJohn Kerry Author:Mark Shields
“John Kerry's campaign attacks on gas prices ignore the reality of Kerry's long record of supporting higher gas prices and blocking the president's comprehensive energy plan.” LongRealityEnergyPresidentRecordsPlansHigherCampaignsBlockGasComprehensiveJohn KerryGas Prices Author:Steve Schmidt
“John Kerry's newfound interest in fiscal discipline is a political gimmick that defies his 20-year record in the Senate and stands in stark contrast to his reckless and expansive promises of new government spending on the campaign trail.” YearsGovernmentPoliticalInterestRecordsDisciplinePromiseSpendingCampaignsSenateContrastTrailsRecklessStarksJohn KerryGovernment SpendingGimmicksNew Government Author:Steve Schmidt
“John Kerry's service did not end in Vietnam. It began there.” EndsVietnamJohn Kerry Author:Max Cleland
“John Kerry's victory over Howard Dean has completely changed the presidential race around. Now instead of the rich white guy from Yale who lives in the White house facing off against the rich white guy from Yale who lives in Vermont, he may have to face the rich white guy from Yale who lives in Massachusetts. It's a whole different game.” MayDifferentWholeFacesGuyGamesHouseWhiteRaceRichChangedVictoryPresidentialWhite HouseDeanYaleJohn KerryMassachusettsVermontWhite Guys Author:Jay Leno
“John Kerry's wife Teresa Heinz is on the cover of Newsweek magazine this week and they said that if he is elected president, she will be the oldest first lady in American history. But that doesn't bother John Kerry, he said, 'To me, she looks like a million bucks'” IfsFirstsLooksSaidPresidentMillionsWifeWeekMagazinesBotherAmerican HistoryThey SaidBucksFirst LadyJohn KerryTeresa Author:Jay Leno
“John knew the best love stories were the ones that were never told. For no medium—no book, no poem, no play or movie—could ever tell a love story in its entirety, its full span and depth, from the exhilarating beginning to the tragic ending of all love stories. He didn’t mind if his life was forgotten—it had never occurred to him to want to be remembered—as long as he had truly lived, and to live life without experiencing one great love story was to not live at all.” GambleWithout LoveLive And LoveSpice Of LifeComplicated LoveLife Love TruthBeing RememberedNothing Else MattersIrreplaceable LoveLove Is The Source Of Life Author:Ray Smith Source: The Magnolia That Bloomed Unseen
“John Kricfalusi is very talented; he used to really piss me off. But I did good work, you know? The Ren & Stimpy show without me was totally unsuccessful. So if there's anybody listening out there with any doubts about what I can do for a show: Try me. The thing is, I wasn't about to stop doing a job.” TryingDoubtListeningGood WorkTry Me Author:Billy West