“Several weeks of summer vacation in the Thirties I spent working at $15 a week in the FORBES office.... I worked in the mail cage, where envelopes were slit and subscription payments extracted. Dad used to come pounding down the office aisle and pause long enough to ask, How much today? Inevitably the answer was inadequate-except once. That day the controller said excitedly, Mr. Forbes, the ledger shows a slight profit this month! ... My father turned to him and said, Young man, I don't give a damn what your books show. Do we have any money in the bank?” MenGivingLongSaidBookEnoughShowsTodayYoungUsedAsksFatherAnswersWeekMonthsDadOfficeSummerProfitDamnYoung ManVacationMailPausesCagesPaymentInadequateEnvelopesAisleSlitsForbesDon't Give A DamnControllersI Don't Give A DamnSubscriptionSummer Vacation Author:Malcolm Forbes
“I was at a restaurant, and I ordered a chicken sandwich, but I don't think the waitress understood me. She asked me, "How would you like your eggs?" I thought I would answer her anyway and said, "Incubated! And then raised, plucked, beheaded, cut up, put onto a grill, and then put onto a bun. Damn! I don't have that much time! Scrambled!"” ThinkingSaidHumorFunnyAnswersCuttingLike YouUnderstoodRaisedDamnRestaurantsEggsChickensSandwichesWaitressBuns Author:Mitch Hedberg
“A teacher asked us if anybody knew the names of the continents. I was sooo excited. I was like, Damn it! It's my first day of 7th grade, I'm in junior high and I know this answer. So I raised my hand, I was the first one, and I said A-E-I-O-U!” IfsKnowsFirstsSaidHandsNamesAnswersTeacherRaisedExcitedDamnGradesContinentsJuniorsJunior HighDumb BlondeDitzy Author:Jessica Simpson
“I once found myself conspiring with a British Cabinet Minister as to how we might persuade Her Majesty's Treasury to cough up more money for the British Travel advertising in America. Said he, "Why does any American in his senses spend his vacation in the cold damp of an English summer when he could equally well bask under Italian skies? I can only suppose that your advertising is the answer." Damn right.” WellsDoeSaidI CanMightAmericaFoundAnswersSkyColdSummerBritishSensesAdvertisingMinistersDamnItalianVacationMore MoneyMajestyCabinetsTreasuryDampConspiring Book:Confessions of an advertising man Source: Confessions of an advertising man
“Now comes the big question: What are you going to write about? And the equally big answer: Anything you damn well want. Anything at all .... as long as you tell the truth.” WantWritingWellsLongBigsAnswersDamnTelling The TruthBig Questions Book:On Writing Source: On Writing