“I sometimes close my eyes during a show because I have drawn a picture of an audience enjoying the show more on the back of my eyelids.” SometimesShowsHumorEyeFunnyEnjoyAudienceEyelids Author:Mitch Hedberg
“There's a guy in the audience with a distinctive laugh. I hope that guy is miked. The only problem with having a distinctive laugh is I know exactly when that guy isn't laughing. "Oh, distinctive laugh doesn't think that joke was funny!"” ThinkingKnowsProblemHumorFunnyGuyAudienceLaughingJokesThat GuyDistinctive Author:Mitch Hedberg
“For me, stand-up comedy is a conversation between me and the audience. I have to keep them listening. When I'm making jokes about cake for twenty minutes, I have to make sure my audience is interested and following where I'm going.” HumorFunnyAudienceComedyMinutesListeningConversationJokesTwentiesFollowingCakeStand Up Comedy Author:Jim Gaffigan
“I'm going to be cremated from the neck down. And at my funeral, when people are talking about me, they have to hold my head. And then at the end, they have to kick me into the audience and the audience has to keep me up for at least three hits or you have to start the whole service over. No cradling it - I want legit sets.” PeopleWantEndsWholeHumorFunnyThreeTalkingAudienceDown AndKicksNecksFuneralTalking About MeLegit Author:Daniel Tosh
“I wanted to make sure that my act was family friendly for tonight, but I don't have babies. So I thought that maybe I could pretend that I had babies and that way I could appeal to the people in the audience who have babies and to the people who like to pretend that they have babies.” PeopleWayHumorWantedFunnyAudienceBabyAppealsTonightFriendlyFamily Friends Author:Kristen Schaal
“My goal in life is to be as happy as a studio audience.” FunnyLife IsGoalAudienceComedyStudiosHappyIronicBeing HappyTrue HappinessPurpose Driven LifeLife Goal Author:Jim Gaffigan