“In the olden days in England, you could be hung for stealing a sheep or a loaf of bread. However, if a sheep stole a loaf of bread and gave it to you, you would only be tried for receiving, a crime punishable by forty lashes with the cat or the dog, whichever was handy. If you stole a dog and were caught, you were punished with twelve rabbit punches, although it was hard to find rabbits big enough or strong enough to punch you.” IfsHardEnoughBigsStrongDogCrimeHumorousCatEnglandCaughtStealingBreadFortySheepReceivingTwelveHungRabbitsStrong EnoughLashesHandyOlden Days Author:Mike Harding
“The easiest way to make a fruitcake is to buy a darkish cake, then pound some old, hard fruit into it with a mallet. Be sure to wear safety glasses.” WayHardHumorousSafetyFruitGlassesPoundsCakeFruitcake Author:Dave Barry
“There's little in taking or giving, There's little in water or wine: This living, this living, this living, Was never a project of mine. Oh, hard is the struggle, and sparse is The gain of the one at the top, For art is a form of catharsis, And love is a permanent flop, And work is the province of cattle, And rest's for a clam in a shell, So I'm thinking of throwing the battle - Would you kindly direct me to hell?” ThinkingGivingLittlesArtHardFormWaterLove IsStruggleHellMinesBattleProjectsArt IsHumorousGainsDirectAnd LoveWinePermanentThrowingShellsProvincesCattleCatharsisClams Book:Collected poems: Not so deep as a well Source: Collected poems: Not so deep as a well