“What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.” KnowsShouldTwoHumorFunnySeaRiversFishesBoatTwo ThingsLakesFishingChickensPenguinsFish Tanks Author:Dave Attell
“I had a chicken finger that was so big, it was a chicken hand.” HumorHandsBigsFunnyFingersChickens Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I was at a restaurant, and I ordered a chicken sandwich, but I don't think the waitress understood me. She asked me, "How would you like your eggs?" I thought I would answer her anyway and said, "Incubated! And then raised, plucked, beheaded, cut up, put onto a grill, and then put onto a bun. Damn! I don't have that much time! Scrambled!"” ThinkingSaidHumorFunnyAnswersCuttingLike YouUnderstoodRaisedDamnRestaurantsEggsChickensSandwichesWaitressBuns Author:Mitch Hedberg
“Asking an incumbent member of Congress to vote for term limits is a bit like asking a chicken to vote for Colonel Sanders.” HumorFunnyBitsTermLimitsMembersVoteAskingCongressChickensIncumbentsColonelsTerm Limits Author:Bob Inglis
“I had a meal last night. I ordered everything in French, surprised everybody. It was a Chinese restaurant. I said to this Chinese waiter, 'Look, this chicken I got here is cold.' He said, 'It should be, it's been dead two weeks.'” ShouldLooksSaidTwoHumorFunnyLastsNightWeekColdChineseMealsRestaurantsChickensLast NightTwo WeeksWaiter Author:Tommy Cooper
“I'm a whitebread cracker. That's my favorite white person slur: "whitebread". The other day, someone came up to me and said, "What's up, whitebread?" And I was like, "That's not even an insult. That's just my race plus a food. I can do that, too, black bean soup! Stay out of this, Asian chicken platter!"” PersonsSaidI CanHumorFunnyBlackCan DoWhiteRaceMy FavoriteInsultChickensPlusSoupAsianBeansCrackersSlurs Author:Mike Birbiglia