“My sister just had a baby, a little newborn. The kid is adorable, so cute. She wouldn't let me hold him, she refuses. She says, 'No way, Anthony, I'm afraid you're gonna drop him.' I'm 32 years old. Like I'm some kind of idiot. Like I don't have a million other ways to hurt that baby.” WayYearsKindLittlesHumorKidsFunnyHurtMillionsBabyLet MeRefuseIdiotCuteMy SisterAdorableNewborn Author:Anthony Jeselnik
“When you're a father you censor yourself. You get just as angry with a child but you don't want to say, "What the filth and foul and I'll filth and foul, filth and foul and, yeah, ya filth and foul face, and I'll filth and foul, foul, filth!" You don't want to say that to a child so you censor yourself and you sound like an idiot: "What the... Get your... I'll put a... Get out of my face!"” WantChildrenHumorFunnyFacesFatherSoundYeahAngryIdiotFoulFilth Author:Bill Cosby
“You know what you are? You're a beard with an idiot hanging off it.” KnowsHumorFunnyIdiotBeardBlack Books Author:Dylan Moran
“You take a normal guy, give him a wife, give them time, and you've got AN IDIOT!” GivingHumorFunnyGuyWifeNormalIdiot Author:Jeff Foxworthy
“I'm going to name drop like an idiot now, but Bono rang me up once, right? I don't know how he got my number, but I, ever so stupidly, and obviously thought it was one of my mates mocking about. So I was like, "Yeah, whatever." And it was him, but I even went to him, "That's not even a good Irish accent!"” KnowsHumorFunnyNamesNumbersKnow HowYeahIdiotMatesAccentsIrish Accent Author:Noel Fielding