“You have to have funny faces and words, you can't just have words. It is a powerful thing, and I think that's why it's hard for people to imagine that women can do that, be that powerful.” PeopleThinkingHardHumorFunnyFacesCan DoPowerfulImagineHaving FunImagine ThatFunny Face Author:Ellen DeGeneres
“I don't need a receipt for a doughnut. I'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut. End of transaction! We don't need to bring ink and paper into this! I can't imagine a scenario where I'd have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend...'Don't even act like I didn't buy that doughnut! I've got the documentation right here! Oh, wait, it's back home, in the file. Under d...for doughnut.'” NeedsGivingI CanEndsHomeHumorFunnyWaitingImagineProvePaperGive MeInkFilesSkepticalScenariosBack HomeTransactionsDoughnutDocumentationReceiptsInk And Paper Author:Mitch Hedberg
“God does not work salvation for fictitious sinners. Be a sinner and sin vigorously... Do not for a moment imagine that this life is the abiding place of justice; sin must be committed.” DoeMomentsHumorLife IsReligiousJusticeSinImagineSalvationCommittedThis LifeSinnerImagine ThatAbiding Author:Martin Luther
“I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.” IfsHumorFunnyScienceImagineCrazyCodeDancerImagine ThatTap DanceTap DancersMorse Code Author:Mitch Hedberg
“Imagine if you were a drummer, and you accidentally picked up two magic wands instead of sticks. There you are, keeping the beat, the next thing you know, your bass player turns into a can of soup.” IfsKnowsTwoHumorFunnyTurnsNextImaginePlayerMagicBeatsSticksSoupBassDrummerWandsBass PlayersMagic Wands Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I would imagine the inside of a bottle of cleaning fluid is really clean. I would imagine a vodka bottle is really drunk.” HumorFunnyImagineCleanDrunkBottlesCleaningFluidVodka Author:Mitch Hedberg
“Imagine if the headless horseman had a headless horse. That would be chaos. I would think that if you were the headless horseman's horse, you would be very confused. "I don't think this dude can see."” IfsThinkingHumorWould BeFunnyImagineHorseChaosConfusedHorsemenHeadless Author:Mitch Hedberg
“They could take sesame seeds off the market and I wouldn't even care. I can't imagine 5 years from now saying, "Remember sesame seeds? What happened? All the buns are blank!"” YearsI CanHumorCareFunnyRememberImagineHappenedSeedsBlankBuns Author:Mitch Hedberg
“It seems amazing that the Navy SEALs managed to get inside the compound and shoot Osama so efficiently. I can only imagine they were told that the mission was to rescue a bearded British hostage and he must be brought out alive.” I CanHumorSeemsFunnyAliveImagineMissionsBritishRescueNavyCompoundsSealsHostageNavy Seal Author:Frankie Boyle
“I'd be at someone's house or be up on the roof all day and I'd get lonely - stir crazy - and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life. But the idea that I was making $10 an hour and stacking drywall while these guys were making a few hundred thousand, and they were having a party, and there were Playmates and there were good times, I just couldn't imagine it.” IdeasHumorFunnyGuyHouseVoiceHoursPartyImagineCrazyThousandHundredLonelyRadioGood TimesRoofSoothingTalk RadioStackingStir Crazy Author:Adam Carolla
“I would imagine that Bret would taste like a warm goat cheese, and Jemaine would taste like harvati with dill. Hmm...I'm hungry actually.” HumorFunnyImagineTasteWarmHungryImagine ThatCheeseGoatsHmm Author:Kristen Schaal
“Imagine that, a poncho sombrero combo, I'll be off my tits on happiness.” HumorFunnyImagineImagine ThatSombrerosPonchos Author:Noel Fielding