“I saw a commercial for an above-ground pool, it was 30 seconds long. Because that's the maximum amount of time you can picture yourself having fun in an above-ground pool. If it was 31 seconds, the actor would say "The water is only up to here? What do I do now? Throw the ball back to Jimmy? Or put some goggles on and look at his feet?"” IfsLooksLongHumorFunnyActorsFunWaterSawsFeetAmountBallsHaving FunSecondsPoolMaximumJimmyGoggles Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I like those blow-up beds. "This becomes a full size bed in three minutes!" Well, a mattress kicks your ass. Zero seconds. "Yeah, but you can store this thing." You can store a bed, too - in the bedroom.” WellsHumorFunnyThreeMinutesBedYeahSizeBlowStoresAssKicksZeroSecondsBedroomMattresses Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I went out to dinner with a Marine last weekend. He looked across the table and he goes, "I could kill you in seven seconds." I go, "I'll just have toast, then."” HumorFunnyLastsTablesSevenDinnerSecondsWeekendMarineToasts Author:Margaret Smith
“I never have free time, I don't know about you. You ever go to the cash machine, there's two people in line in front of you and you get kinda flustered, you're like "Forget it! I'm not standing here for 40 seconds. I got things to do, okay?"” PeopleKnowsTwoHumorFunnyLinesForgetFrontsStandingOkayMachinesThings To DoSecondsCashForget ItFree Time Author:Jim Gaffigan
“Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds later they come alight again, well the other day there was a fire at the factory that makes them.” KnowsWellsHumorFunnyFireCoupleBlowTricksSecondsCandleFactories Author:Tommy Cooper