“I can't wait to get off the stage, because I've got some LifeSavers in my pocket and pineapple is next!” I CanHumorFunnyNextWaitingStagePocketsPineapples Author:Mitch Hedberg
“When you're doing a show on stage, and they show you a red light, that means you have 5 minutes left. At some clubs, they hold a candle up in the back. That's the worst method. You're up here, and then you see a floating candle. "Oh, no! This place is haunted!" I can't be funny when I'm frightened.” MeanI CanShowsHumorLightFunnyLeftMinutesWorstStageRedMethodClubsFrightenedCandleFloatingRed Lights Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage.” IfsI CanHumorFunnyGuySpeakRoomsStageRight NowEmptyBlowTonightEmpty Stage Author:Bill Hicks