“I like Kinko's, because they're open 24 hours. If it's 5 am and I decide I need two of something, I'm covered! Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, and then I think, "Oh, yeah. Kinko's. No problem. That will not remain singular."” IfsThinkingNeedsTwoSometimesProblemHumorFunnyNightHoursMiddleColdWake UpYeahCoveredSweatNo ProblemMiddle Of The Night Author:Mitch Hedberg
“The mark of a good party is that you wake up the next morning wanting to change your name and start a new life in a different city.” DifferentHumorFunnyNextNamesPartyCitiesMorningMarkWake UpNew LifeGood Party Author:Vance Bourjaily
“I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think 'Oh my God, I'm James Blunt, what have I done?'” ThinkingFeelsDoneHumorFunnyMorningWake UpSorryEvery MorningBlunt Author:Bill Bailey
“Just because a baby cries, I discovered, doesn't mean there's always something wrong. Sometimes babies wake up for no real reason. They just want to check if they're doing it right. "This is Sleeping, right?" "Exactly." "I just lie here?" "That's right." "Okay." Then back to sleep they go.” IfsWantMeanChildrenRealSometimesReasonHumorFunnyLyingSleepCryBabyOkayWake UpChecks Author:Paul Reiser