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Mormonism Quotes

“No sex?" He looked at me in disbelief. "Well if you can't have ze sex, what can you do?" For the sake of simplicity I took my left arm and lined it up just under my collarbones. "Nothing below here," I said. I took my right arm and lined it up to my knees. "Nothing above here." "What about your armpit?" he asked. "Can your boyfriend do anything he wants to your armpit?" I thought about it. Armpits seemed pretty harmless. "Yeah," I said optimistically. "My boyfriend can do anything he wants to my armpit." "This is good," the Frenchman said. "He can stick his penis in and out of your armpit, and if you grow hair there it is almost like vagine." Is it too late to change my answer? I wondered, pulling a cardigan over my bare shoulders and covering any hint of an invitation.”

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Book:The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance: A Memoir
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“I'll make a book on learning how to be a complete moron someday, and I'm sure no one will buy it, because everyone will have mastered that already by the time I gather enough moronism to process it into digestible upgrade instructions for your average village cyborg-idiot.”

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Book:Nothing is here...
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“When a writer is born into a family, Czesław Miłosz once famously said, the family is finished. You could forget about having any more secrets. You could forget about hiding what you didn’t want others to know. You were going to be exposed, hung out to air, and by a traitor from within. But later I wondered, Is it the family that’s really finished or simply the writer’s place within it? Could a family still be a family with parts missing?”

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Book:The Latter Days: A Memoir
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“It took a couple of months before we were both convinced there were no rules about sexual activities in Hell and our spouses were not going to show up out of the blue. It was hard to start a sexual relationship in circumstances of such bizarre uncertainty, especially for an active Mormon and a good Christian, both lost in a Zoroastrian Hell. We were like virgin newlyweds. All my life I’d been raised to believe this kind of thing was wrong. All my life I had lived with a strong sense of morality. How do you give it up? How do you do things you thought you’d never do? Where do all the things you believed go, when all the supporting structure is found to be a myth? How do you know how or on what to take a moral stand, how do you behave when it turns out there are no cosmic rules, no categorical imperatives? It was difficult. So tricky to untangle.”

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Book:A Short Stay in Hell
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“Zoroastrianism? Oh, there’s never been but a few hundred thousand of them at any one time, mostly located in Iran and India, but that’s it. The one true faith. If you’re not a Zoroastrian, I’m afraid you are bound for Hell.” The man looked stunned and shocked. "It's not fair." The demon gave a mirthful laugh. “Well, it was fair when you were sending all the Chinese to Hell who had never heard of Jesus. Wasn’t it?”

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Author:Steven L. Peck
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“…such criticism and mockery are largely beside the point. All religious belief is a function of nonrational faith. And faith, by its very definition, tends to be impervious to to intellectual argument or academic criticism. Polls routinely indicate, moreover, that nine out of ten Americans believe in God—most of us subscribe to one brand of religion or another. Those who would assail The Book of Mormon should bear in mind that its veracity is no more dubious than the veracity of the Bible, say, or the Qur'an, or the sacred texts of most other religions. The latter texts simply enjoy the considerable advantage of having made their public debut in the shadowy recesses of the ancient past, and are thus much harder to refute.”

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Book:Under The Banner of Heaven: A Story of Violent Faith
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“George Powers of Little Rock, Arkansas, made a statement which was read at a public indignation meeting in Los Angeles on October 12, 1857, and which was widely reported in California newspapers. Describing conditions in Utah, he said: We found the Mormons making very determined preparations to fight the United States troops, whenever they may arrive. On our way in, we met three companies of 100 men each, armed and on the road toward the pass above Fort Bridger... We found companies drilling every evening in the city. The Mormons declared to us that no U.S. troops should ever cross the mountains; they talked and acted as though they were willing to take a brush with Uncle Sam... We came on to Buttermilk Fort, near the Lone Cedar 176 miles, and found the inhabitants greatly enraged at the train that had just passed... The people [the Mormons] had refused to sell the train any provisions, and told us they were sorry they had not killed them there; but they knew it would be done before they got in. They stated further that they were holding their Indians in check until the arrival of their chief, when he would follow the train and cut it to pieces.”

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Book:The Mountain Meadows Massacre
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“Speaking in the tabernacle to a large assembly, he [John Taylor, Mormon] said: Who would not rather die than bow to the yoke of the enemy? It would sweeten death to a man to know that he should lay down his life in defence of freedom and the kingdom of God, rather than to longer bow to the cruelty of the mobs, even when the mob have the name of being legalized by the nation. I thank God, and I rejoice that this people... are determined to have peace, if they have to fight for it. To this stirring appeal, the whole congregation responded with a loud and hearty Amen! Since this sounds suspiciously like treason...”

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Book:The Mountain Meadows Massacre
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“The feeling against the Mormons as expressed by the San Francisco Daily Evening Bulletin was: The blood of American citizens cries for vengeance from the barren sands of the Great Basin. The insulted dignity of the nation demands retribution from their infamous murderers. Virtue, Christianity and decency require that the vile brood of incestuous miscreants who have perpetrated this atrocity shall be broken up and dispersed. And the tide of popular opinion, now rolling up from every end of the land, calls loudly upon the Government to let no longer delay ensue before beginning the good work. And even should the news of the Mormon massacre upon the plains not suffice to incite to full activity the entire power of the Federal Officers, the position now taken by Brigham Young must do so. He has not waited to be attacked, but has commenced offensive warfare. The Independence of Utah Territory has been declared, and the determination announced of adhering to no laws except such as the Mormons make themselves.”

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Book:The Mountain Meadows Massacre
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“The full and free pardon granted by President Buchanan was received resentfully by most of the Mormons, who still felt that the sending of the army had been a gross insult to them. It was they who should have pardoned the President, they thought. But it had worked out well for them, and Brigham Young had conducted affairs in a masterful manner; his word would be law to them, regardless of who the civil officers were.”

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Book:The Mountain Meadows Massacre
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“In the meantime, before the civil authorities had been able to start an investigation [into the Mountain Meadows Massacre], the church conducted a private one, if we are to trust their own records. The leaders had to know the truth of this affair, even though the group loyalty which they had always encouraged would not permit them to make public their findings. Through long years they had developed the attitude that, right or wrong, they must stand together.”

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Book:The Mountain Meadows Massacre
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“So the official story of the massacre was written. While the visiting [Mormon] authorities might reprove the leaders, while they might administer severe chastisement in private, they would not turn the offenders over to the enemies of the church for judgment. Neither would they disgrace the local authorities before their followers. The group loyalty... demand[ed] that, while they might make a report of the massacre for the church... they should not bring into the public eye any of the participants if it could be avoided.”

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Book:The Mountain Meadows Massacre
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“[Jacob] Hamblin arranged to make a trip across the Colorado River in search of a child who might be missing. The motive behind this is clear… [I]n letters and in recorded speeches he had expressed an eagerness to labor among “the nobler branches of the race.” He had heard that the Hopis across the Colorado were a peaceful, agricultural people who had many skills… Thus, while his letters to Brigham Young and George A. Smith speak of this as a bona fide “mission” for the church, the records in the General Accounting Office in Washington D.C., show that he was paid $318 for expenses incurred while conducting a search for the purpose of finding a child, [al]though Jacob Hamblin knew well that no child had ever been in the hands of the Indians…”

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Book:The Mountain Meadows Massacre
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“Trial began on Friday, July 23, 1875... the jury which was finally selected consisted of eight Mormons, three Gentiles, and one Jack Mormon... When finally the case was closed and the case given to the jury, they could not agree upon a verdict, the eight Mormons all being for acquittal and the other four, all for conviction. The court was obliged to begin all over again and try the case before another jury. Even the most cursory examinations of the court records will show that between the first and second trials of Lee, something happened. When court opened again on September 14, 1876, the whole tone was changed... R.N. Baskin and other non-Mormons insisted that the leaders of the Mormon church had entered into an agreement with District Attorney Howard that Lee might be convicted and pay the death penalty, if the charges against all other suspected persons would be withdrawn. This was to be done by a jury composed only of Mormons, who would bring a verdict of "guilty", if names of other participants were left out of the discussion... This time the trial proceeded with dispatch. Men who had participated, and for almost twenty years had sealed their lips, now came forward to testify... On September 20, the case was given to the all-Mormon jury, who deliberated three and one-half hours and brought in a verdict of "guilty." [Lee was] convicted of murder in the first degree...”

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Book:The Mountain Meadows Massacre
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“In Pioche, Nevade [while in hiding], in April 1871, he [Philip Klingonsmith] made his affidavit regarding the massacre, the first of all who had participated to break openly the pact of silence. After acting as a witness in the first trial of Lee, he returned to Nevada... he was found dead in a prospector's hole in the state of Sonora, Mexico, apparently murdered, the inference being that he had been pursued by avenging members of the Mormons and had been killed for being a traitor...”

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Book:The Mountain Meadows Massacre
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“It is one of the great ironies of Mormon history that Smith, who set the polygamous movement in motion, never experienced it in practical terms. He was content to marry the teenage women who lived in his home and then let them depart when Emma objected. And he was content to let his polyandrous wives live with their first husbands, so he never bore the responsibility of providing for them, financially or emotionally, on a day-to-day basis. He never witnessed the toll practical polygamy would take on an Eliza Partridge...”

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Book:In Sacred Loneliness: The Plural Wives of Joseph Smith
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“To nineteenth-century leaders the principle was not just an optional revelation - they viewed it as the most important revelation in Joseph Smith's life, which is what he undoubtedly taught them. If they accepted him as an infallible prophet, and if they wanted full exaltation, they had no recourse but to marry many plural wives. Their devotion to Joseph the seer outweighed their experience of polygamy's impracticality and tragic consequences for women, which many men probably did not even recognize. But it is worth noting that the women who suffered so much under polygamy gave it their unqualified support in public rallies and wrote impassioned defenses of it. They too were devoted to the idea that their church was led by practically infallible, authoritative prophets, especially Joseph Smith.”

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Book:In Sacred Loneliness: The Plural Wives of Joseph Smith
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“You see some classes of the human family that are black, uncouth, uncomely, disagreeable and low in their habits, wild, and seemingly deprived of nearly all the blessings of the intelligence that is generally bestowed upon mankind....Cain slew his brother. Can might have been killed, and that would have put a termination to that line of human beings. This was not to be, and the Lord put a mark upon him, which is the flat nose and black skin.”

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Author:Brigham Young
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“But perhaps the greatest attraction of Mormonism was the promise that each follower would be granted an extraordinarily intimate relationship with God. Joseph taught and encouraged his adherents to receive personal communiqués straight from the Lord. Divine revelation formed the bedrock of the religion.”

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Book:Under The Banner of Heaven: A Story of Violent Faith
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“You will see the constitution of the United States almost destroyed. It will hang like a thread.... A terrible revolution will take place in the land of America.... [T]he land will be left without a Supreme Government,... [Mormonism] will have gathered strength, sending out Elders to gather the honest in heart... to stand by the Constitution of the United States.... In these days... God will set up a Kingdom, never to be thrown down.... [T]he whole of America will be made the Zion of God.”

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Author:Joseph Smith, Jr.
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“You can keep your own religion - Buddhism, Islam, Hinduism, Mormonism - you just need to add Jesus to the equation. Then you become complete. You become a Buddhist with Jesus, a Hindu with Jesus, a Muslim with Jesus and so on. You can throw out the term Christianity and still be a follower of Jesus. In fact, you can throw out the term Christian too. In some countries, you could be persecuted for calling yourself a Christian, and there is no need for that. Just ask Jesus into your heart, you don't have to identify yourself as a Christian.”

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Author:Rick Warren
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“A good analogy [Charlie Hebdo] in lots of ways is "South Park" - the hugely popular American cartoon show - and the things that the "South Park" creators have created, like "The Book Of Mormon," the Broadway musical. If I were a devout Mormon, I would be offended by a lot of things that go on in "The Book Of Mormon," right? It mocks mercilessly the pretensions to truth of Mormonism and the pretensions to virtue of Mormon missionaries.”

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Author:Adam Gopnik
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“Sometimes people have said that Islam, in its own calendar, is still only in the Middle Ages. It's still in the fifteenth century or whatever. And Christianity in the fifteenth century, after all, was full of inquisitions and burnings at the stake, and so on and so on. So give Islam time, and it will reach the point of maturity that other religions have. But Mormonism is much younger than Islam, and it's got there already. So I don't think that's an argument that works.”

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Author:Salman Rushdie
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