“How come they don't think you can handle a new story out of the blue on the TV news? They gotta make a little lame segue. "Hey, that's a big lotto jackpot! Speaking of lotto, there was a lot o' crime in the city today."” ThinkingLittlesStoriesBigsTodayFunnyCitiesComedyCrimeTvsNewsBlueHandleHeyLameJackpotTv News Author:Brian Regan
“Whatever cleaning goes on on the planet, women do 99% of it. But see, women are not as proud of their 99% as men are of our one! We clean something up, we're gonna talk about it all year long. It might be on the news, you don't know. A woman could be out re-paving the driveway. Men actually have enough gall to run out on the porch and go "Hey baby? Man, it's hot as hell out here, ain't it! Look, don't worry about emptyin' that ashtray in the den, I done got it, all right? Did it for you, sweet pea. I'm gonna go take a nap now, all right?"” KnowsMenYearsLooksLongDoneEnoughMightWalksWorryHellPlanetsSweetBabyGoes OnProudNewsHotCleanHeyCleaningNapsPorchPeasDensDrivewayAshtraysPavingSweet Peas Author:Jeff Foxworthy
“Bad news has never been broken gently in my family. Because, breaking it gently takes a few extra seconds. And who's got that kinda time? Hey, we maybe failures, but we are very busy.” BrokenNewsMy FamilyBusyHeyExtrasSecondsBad News Author:Christopher Titus
“Have you ever had a gay friend lose weight and you can't decide if it's good news or not? Hey you look... great?” IfsLooksLosesGayNewsWeightHeyGood NewsLose WeightHey YouGay Friend Author:Dana Gould
“When you turn on the news, they don't say, "Hey, 2 Million kids went to school safely today...40,000 flights took place without incident." They don't say that.” KidsTodaySchoolTurnsMillionsNewsFlightHeyIncidentsTurn-on Author:Richard Patrick
“Somebody realized, hey, students are printing dummy ads and dummy news stories, why don't they really print something. So there was the Shortridge Daily Echo, and a hell of a lot of writers have come out of Shortridge on that account. The head writer of the I Love Lucy show, Madelyn Pugh, was a schoolmate of mine. Dan Wakefield. Writing was a perfectly reasonable thing to do.” WritingStoriesShowsHellStudentsMinesNewsAccountsHeyThings To DoReasonablePrintAdsEchoesPrintingLucyDummyNews StoriesSchoolmates Author:Kurt Vonnegut
“Throwing down your staff may sound like a sign of surrender, but in Egyptian magic, it's bad news. It usually means, 'Hey, I'm going to summon a big nasty thing to kill you while I stand safely inside my circle and laugh'.” MayMeanBigsSoundLaughingMagicNewsCirclesSurrenderHeyThrowingStaffNastyBad NewsEgyptian Book:The Throne of Fire (The Kane Chronicles Book 2): The Throne of Fire Source: The Throne of Fire (The Kane Chronicles Book 2): The Throne of Fire