“I'm beginning to feel that the real endangered species on planet earth are not the whales and the elephants but those of us who can laugh at the world and ourselves. ... I fear the dry turn of the American mind, this focus on the literal, as much as I fear our capacity for self-destruction. We've become hagridden by facts, obsessed with product instead of process. Where's the energetic wit, the looney outlook, the frivolity, the lightness of comforting laughter? It has become fashionable to know and unfashionable to feel, and you can't really laugh if you can't feel.” IfsKnowsWorldFeelsMindRealSelfFactsFeelingsHumorEarthTurnsProcessLaughingFocusPlanetsProductsLaughterCapacityDestructionSpeciesWitObsessedDryElephantsOutlookComfortingFashionableLiteralWhalesEnergeticPlanet EarthSelf DestructionLightnessFrivolityEndangered Species Author:Rita Mae Brown
“For the foreseeable future, we're going to need oil products because I don't like the idea of hydrogen cars. I'm not sure I want to be cruising around a mall parking lot filled with a thousand mini-Hindenburgs.” WantNeedsIdeasHumorFunnyCarProductsThousandFilledOilNot SureMallsParkingHydrogenParking LotHindenburg Author:Dennis Miller
“This product that was on TV was available for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like a product that was available for three easy payments and one complicated payment. We can't tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is going to be hard. The mailman will get shot, the envelope will not seal, the stamp will be in the wrong denomination. The final payment must be made in wampum.” MadeHardHumorFunnyThreeEasyFourTvsProductsShotsFinalsAvailableComplicatedStampsPaymentSealsEnvelopesDenominationsMailman Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I was on a bus once, it was in the middle of the night, and I had a box of crackers and a can of Easy Cheese. It was dark, and it was a surprise how much cheese I had applied on each cracker. That's why they should have a glow-in-the-dark version of Easy Cheese. It's not like the product has any integrity to begin with. If you buy a room-temperature cheese that you squeeze out of a can, you probably won't get mad because it glows in the dark too.” IfsShouldHumorFunnyNightEasyDarkRoomsMiddleProductsIntegrityShould HaveMadSurpriseBoxesVersionsBusCheeseTemperatureMiddle Of The NightCrackersGlow In The Dark Author:Mitch Hedberg
“There was a product on late night TV that you could attach to your garden hose - "You can water your hard-to-reach plants with this." Who would make their plants hard to reach? That seems so very mean. I know you need water, but I'm going to make you hard to reach. "Think like a cactus!"” ThinkingKnowsNeedsMeanHardHumorSeemsFunnyNightWaterTvsProductsLateGardenPlantLate NightVery MeanCactus Author:Mitch Hedberg
“We use similar products. Our focus industry is healthcare and hospitality. But we haven?t done anything interactive. The first day full of seminars is full of things I thought would be useful: quick service restaurant and mobile phone applications. Businesses are providing more services and products by self-service means.” FirstsMeanSelfDoneUseHumorWould BeFunnyFocusHavensProductsIndustryPhonesRestaurantsApplicationHealthcareProvidingHospitalityMobileMobile PhonesInteractiveSeminarsSelf Service Author:Milton Jones
“You know I used to work at Ikea, selling over 7,000 products. Give me a number between 1-7,000 I'll tell you about it. Sorry out of stock, lucky you chose that one.” KnowsGivingHumorFunnyUsedNumbersProductsLuckyGive MeSorrySellingLucky YouIkea Author:Milton Jones
“Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?” HumorFunnyProducts Author:Steven Wright
“Advertisers also know that humor can help bond us to their product.” KnowsHelpingHumorProductsTiesAdvertisers Author:Allen Klein