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Records Quotes

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Records Quotes

“When I lost my decathlon world record I took it like a man. I only cried for ten hours.”

Men World Inspirational Funny Lost Hours Records Ten Entertaining Cried Athletics World Records Bloopers Decathlon

Author:Daley Thompson

“Congratulstions on breaking my record. I always thought the record would stand until it was broken.”

Funny Records Stupid Broken

Author:Yogi Berra

“He's been breaking Olympic records like ninepins”

Inspirational Funny Records Entertaining Athletics Bloopers

Author:Des Lynam

“Coe has smashed the world record, 1:44.92 seconds has never been run easier”

World Inspirational Running Funny Records Easier Seconds Entertaining Athletics World Records Bloopers

Author:Ron Pickering

“It's now come out just before his record-breaking 100-meter dash, gold medalist Usain Bolt ate at McDonald's. Apparently he timed his meal so when the race started he would have exactly 9.63 seconds to get to a toilet.”

Funny Race Records Gold Meals Seconds Olympics Toilets Bolts Mcdonalds Meter London Olympics Records Breaking

Author:Conan O'Brien

“Yesterday Michael Phelps set an all-time Olympic record for most medals. Phelps has so much gold on his chest he's been asked to join the cast of 'Jersey Shore.'”

Funny Records Gold Casts Yesterday All Time Chests Shore Olympics Medal Jersey London Olympics Jersey Shore

Author:Conan O'Brien

“I was at a dinner party with a group of people, and we were talking about fake names. You know, how its difficult to come up with a really great fake name. Its a very specific type of gift. You don't want to go too far into the silly, and you don't want to go too far into the banal. I always thought one of the funniest names ever was Gern Blanston, which came from a Steve Martin routine on one of his early records.”

People Knows Want Funny Names Difficult Party Talking Know How Records Groups Type Come Up Dinner Silly Fake Routine Really Great Dinner Party

Author:Paul Rudd

“No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.”

Men Humor Funny Records Grants Charming

Author:Rita Rudner

“Being sued by your own record company, that's even better than receiving a Grammy”

Humor Funny Company Records Receiving Record Companies Grammy

Author:Neil Young

“Heavy Metal fans are buying Heavy Metal records, taking the records home, listening to the records and then blowing their heads off with shotguns? Where's the problem? That's an unemployment solution right there, folks! It's called natural selection.”

Problem Home Humor Funny Natural Records Fans Listening Solutions Folks Heavy Buying Metals Unemployment Selection Natural Selection Heavy Metal Shotguns Metal Fans

Author:Denis Leary

“For the record, I hate skiing... and if you get killed doing it, GOOD.”

Ifs Humor Funny Hate Records I Hate Skiing Good Fun

Author:Jim Norton

“I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish.”

Self Humor Funny Next Language Sleep Learning Records Stuck Next Day

Author:Steven Wright

“That's the fastest time ever run - but it's not as fast as the world record”

World Inspirational Running Funny Records Entertaining Athletics World Records Bloopers

Author:David Coleman

“Ingrid Kristiansen then has smashed the world record, running the 5000 metres in 14:58.89. Truly amazing. Incidentally, this is a personal best for Ingrid Kristiansen.”

World Inspirational Running Funny Records Entertaining Athletics World Records Bloopers Personal Best

Author:David Coleman

“I was going to tape some records onto a cassette, but I got the wires backwards. I erased the all of the records. When I returned them to my friend, he said, "Hey, these records are all blank."”

Said Humor Funny Records My Friends Hey Tape Blank Backwards Wire Cassettes

Author:Steven Wright

“None of us can boast about the morality of our ancestors. The record does not show that Adam and Eve were ever married.”

Doe Shows Funny Records Morality Married Adam Ancestor Boast Ancestry Adam And Eve

Author:E. W. Howe

“I would never try and play like Harry James, because I don't like his tone - for me. It's just white. You know what I mean? He has what we black trumpet players call a white sound. But it's for white music ... I can tell a white trumpet player, just listening to a record. There'll be something he'll do that'll let me know that he's white.”

Knows Trying Mean I Can Play Funny Sound Black White Records Player Listening Let Me Tone Trumpets Just Listen

Author:Miles Davis