“What I'd like to have right now is for all you fat, out of shape, (insert city) sweathogs to keep the noise down while I take my robe off and show all the ladies what a real man is supposed to look like.” MenLooksRealShowsCitiesRight NowShapesNoiseFatsRobesReal MenInsert Author:Rick Rude
“There is an apocalyptic view to this that is actually kind of appealing, which is the only way to kill big government is to let it kill itself. It's suicide by gluttony. Right now, the government is approaching Fat Elvis during those years in the '70s right before he croaked on the toilet seat. Basically ObamaCare is a huge tray of bacon and banana sandwiches. And it could happen in our lifetimes.” WayYearsKindBigsGovernmentHappensViewsHugeRight NowSuicideLifetimeFatsSeatsToiletsSandwichesObamacareBananasApocalypticBig GovernmentGluttonyTraysToilet Seat Author:Greg Gutfeld
“That's why I'm glad Jesus died when he did. Because if he lived to be 40, he would have ended up like Elvis. He was famous already at that point. If he lived to be 40, he'd be walking around Jerusalem with a big fat beer gut and black side burns going, Damn, I'm the son of God. Give me a cheeseburger and french fries right now.” IfsGivingHumorBigsFunnyJesusSidesBlackSonWalkingRight NowGive MeDiedGladFatsBeerDamnGutsJerusalemFriesFrench FriesCheeseburger Author:Denis Leary
“I'm a foodie, I'm always eating, I'm eating right now ...sometimes I get fat around the waist, but I don't care.” SometimesCareRight NowEatingDon't CareFatsI Don't CareEating RightAlways Eating Author:Lady Saw
“When a Dalmatian sees a cow he must be like, 'What the hell happened to him? I am high right now. That dalmatian is fat and smeary.' When the cow sees the Dalmatian he must be like, 'He looks amazing. I am so out of shape, this is ridiculous. My tits are on the ground here.” LooksHellHappenedRight NowShapesRidiculousFatsCowsDalmatians Author:Demetri Martin