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Sex Work Quotes

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Sex Work Quotes

“Indeed, the media continually asks the question, "Can men and women really be just friends?" In the end, we have this situation consisting of men who don’t feel they can express emotion outside of a sexual setting, and women who understand that you can. Therefore we set men up to believe that any form of emotion or display of friendship is automatically sexual. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, and this generally results in a stranger paying to be inside my Uranus. That was a terrible joke. You’re welcome.”

“Sometimes rapport just cannot be built. Sometimes you don’t want to. This was the case with the One True Dumpster Fire booking. Let me paint you a picture. The booking was with a man who kept insisting that his past girlfriends all came "within minutes" of starting to have penetrative sex. Well, he didn’t say precisely that, he said "They all came within minutes of me entering them, " which is just something else. Who the fuck says "me entering them "? I hadn’t even inspected his dick yet, and I already knew the booking was going to be a complete fucking travesty. He repeated "come for me" several times during as if I were voice-activated while we were in a position he insisted on using. One which made me hyper-aware that my clitoris was almost jammed into my pubic bone to the point I thought it would invert. None of that is physiologically possible, but you don’t think too rationally when the human version of a wet sock is flopping on top of you making what can only be described as "frantic bird sounds". You start to question your motives in life.”

“I want to bring us back to basics. Prostitution: what is it? It is the use of a woman's body for sex by men, he pays money, he does what he wants. The minute you move away from what it really is, you move away from prostitution into the world of ideas. You will feel better; you will have a better time; it is more fun; there is plenty to discuss, but you will be discussing ideas, not prostitution. Prostitution is not an idea. It is the mouth, the vagina, the rectum, penetrated usually by a penis, sometimes hands, sometimes objects, by one man and then another and then another and then another and then another. That's what it is.”

“Re-enacting trauma means putting yourself in similar situations or places to the original trauma, or finding similar people, and to create a new narrative in an attempt, this time, to be in control, to write a new ending, one in which you are in charge, not victimised. The sex trade is the perfect place for the sexually traumatised to try unconsciously to resolve former hurt because an unending number of men want to use your body. This is one of the reasons those who have suffered sexual abuse are so prevalent in the sex trade.”

“The question regularly resurfaces in leftist circles: "Will sex work exist after the revolution?" Maybe, and maybe not. Regardless of the answer to that question, two things remain true: people who trade sex for resources deserve to live free from state violence right now, and people trading sex by choice, circumstances, or coercion know best about what they need to be safe.”

“While the churches, bringing the sweet smell of piety for the soul, came in prancing and farting like brewery horses in bock-beer time, the sister evangelism, with release and joy for the body, crept in silently and gravely, with its head bowed and its face covered. You may have seen the spangled palaces of sin and fancy dancing in the false West of the movies, and maybe some of them existed—but not in the Salinas Valley. The brothels were quiet, orderly, and circumspect. Indeed, if after hearing the ecstatic shrieks of climactic conversion against the thumping beat of the melodeon you had stood under the window of a whorehouse and listened to the low decorous voices, you would have been likely to confuse the identities of the two ministries. The brothel was accepted while it was not admitted.”

“Agreeing to something does not make that thing any less harmful for our bodies or minds. It is psychologically exhausting, damaging and toxic to fake a connection to someone, especially a sexual connection. Not being free to be yourself in such a vulnerable and intimate situation is physically and psychologically exhausting. Being paid to have sex on someone else’s terms is the farthest thing from sexual autonomy that exists.”

“If the men who paid me weren’t rapists, if this was all consensual sex, why am I traumatised by it? Why do I experience flashbacks with the same tone and texture as flashbacks I have had from being raped? I have had a lot of sex I regret having which I am not traumatised by. There is sometimes sadness, but not trauma. I experience trauma and flashbacks only in relation to sexual exploitation. Sex that didn’t involve money, in which I’ve felt dissociated, or didn’t feel like it, or when I didn’t stop something I wasn’t comfortable with has not traumatised me in the way sex-trade sex has – sex to which I ‘consented’.”

“Prostitution ist Sexualität, die den Bedingungen des Marktes und damit der Nachfrage und den Kundenwünschen unterliegt. Ja, vielleicht gibt es Frauen, die einzelne Kunden oder Praktiken nicht machen müssen. Aber dann verdienen sie auch kein Geld. Der Markt bestimmt, was angeboten wird. Die Frau kann sich dem anpassen oder leer ausgehen: Bietet sie französisch ohne Gummi an oder nicht? Zungenküsse ja oder nein? Anal ja oder eher nicht? Je nachdem wie sie sich entscheidet, verdient sie mehr oder weniger. Irgendeinen Freier wird sie machen müssen und irgendeine Anpassung an die Kundenwünsche hinsichtlich der Praktiken wird stattfinden müssen. Freie Sexualität findet in der Prostitution nicht statt.”

“Wenn Freier Frauen kaufen, begehen sie damit nicht nur einen Gewaltakt an der individuellen Frau, sondern sie schaden damit auch Frauen, die sie selbst nie zu Gesicht bekommen werden: Sie finanzieren ein System, das auf Ausbeutung, Menschenverachtung und sexueller Gewalt basiert. Sie halten ein System aufrecht, das ohne Menschenhandel und Zuhälterei nicht existieren kann. Selbst Freier, die von sich sagen, keine Zwangsprostituierten zu besuchen, sorgen allein mit ihrem Freiersein dafür, dass eine Nachfrage bestehen bleibt und anderswo Frauen mit direkter Gewalt in die Prostitution verbracht werden. Freier finanzieren ein kriminelles Milieu, denn es gibt keine saubere Prostitution.”

“Einige wenige Freier geben an, nicht zu Zwangsprostituierten zu gehen. Das ist nichts anderes als Augenwischerei und der Versuch, das eigene Gewissen zu beruhigen. Denn wie möchte ein Freier sich darüber im Klaren werden, ob Zwangsprostitution vorliegt? Auch eine Zwangsprostituierte kann nett und umgänglich sein und lächeln – sie muss sogar, eben weil sie dazu gezwungen ist. Und er bezahlt die Frau dafür, dass sie Ja sagt und so tut, als gefiele es ihr – die volle Wahrheit kennt er nicht und will er nicht kennen, sonst würde er sich eine Frau suchen, die nicht finanziell von ihm abhängig ist. Und das bedeutet: Kein Freier kann ausschließen, dass er gerade eine Zwangsprostituierte vor sich hat. Was wiederum heißt: Er kann nicht ausschließen, dass er gerade eine Frau zum Sex zwingt, also vergewaltigt. Freier sind Männer, denen ihre eigene sexuelle Befriedigung wichtiger ist als Konsens. Sie sind Männer, die in Kauf nehmen, dass sie beim Besuch von Prostituierten eine Vergewaltigung begehen, und denen das egal ist. Ist das in der heutigen Zeit, in der wir so heftig darum ringen, dass sexueller Konsens den Stellenwert in unserer Gesellschaft erreicht, der ihm zusteht, wirklich die Art von Sex, die wir noch dulden möchten – eine Art von Sex, bei dem der Mann danach nicht sagen kann, ob er gerade eine Vergewaltigung begangen hat oder nicht? Stell dir mal vor, ein Bekannter von dir sitzt mit dir zusammen und erzählt: „Letzten Samstag hatte ich richtig guten Sex. Aber eigentlich weiß ich bis heute nicht, ob die Frau den überhaupt wollte.“ Wie sähe deine Reaktion aus? Du wärst entsetzt, oder? Im privaten Gespräch würde überdeutlich, dass das falsch ist. In der Prostitution aber ist das der Standard, und es passiert nicht ab und zu, sondern immer, jedes Mal. Kein einziger Freier kann nach auch nur einem einzigen seiner Bordellbesuche sagen, ob die Frau den Sex überhaupt wollte. Sexueller Konsens kann in der Prostitution naturgemäß niemals her- oder sichergestellt werden. Prostitution ist Sex ohne Konsens!”

“Sometimes now, almost two decades later, when I'm walking around New York, I'll pass a building that floods me with memories of a john or a trick that I turned in whatever apartment window I find myself staring up at. I'll stand on the sidewalk, looking into a window where "Jeff" once stood and made his ever-coveted hundred bucks. I can see him straining to carry his suitcases of worry up to another apartment to make another coin to put in his piggy bank of shame. And I can see him leaving again a half hour later, with a pep in his step from being a little bit richer, but with the glassy-eyed worry that he's ruining himself in the process. And I want to rush across traffic to this young version of myself, grab him, and look him directly in the eyes. First, he'll probably be terrified of this older, puffier, thicker walking portrait of Dorian Gray before him, but once he stops screaming at the ghoulish glimpse into his future, I want to hold him and tell him, "This will all be worth it.”

“watch myself in the mirrors at work constantly. It makes it more interesting. I used to do this ages ago out of worry of my body not looking right. Now I’m curious about what my “work moves” look like, my whiteness with a slash of dark lace underwear, my tattoos (my “permanent epaulets”) in contrast, in profile, my back arching doing a downward dog over the guy’s back before I slide down it, serpentine chin first to rub my cheek against his neck. I think about sex all the time because it’s my job. I want to make room for other stuff. I want to think about other stuff. I think? …it’s strange to watch because it’s really just a long-ago choreographed dance, every time with a different partner. There are slightly different turns and dips, but I can almost do the counts. I feel unfair for offering this processed sex. They don’t care. Maybe I am good enough of an actress, or good enough of an empathy to make it seem authentic. Sometimes it feels that way. Sometimes they catch me watching myself bend and writhe. They usually watch. I watch myself kissing them out of the corner of my eye, to see what it looks like.”

“I was bleeding but hoped he wouldn’t notice. I do this sometimes; a game I personally call, I have my period, let’s see if I can hide it! A darkish room and quick condom removal (make it seem like you’re just really nice and thorough, and use baby wipes to take it off) and even quicker moving of towels to cover any spots on the bed take care of this-though more than once I then saw smears on the pillowcase. Dirty! I love it. I want to not, like, ruby-shower heavy bleed on someone, but reach inside myself with a couple fingers and write my name on a dude’s chest with it. C-h-l-o-e. Smiley face.”

“Is this cock big enough for ya?” I looked at it. It was certainly medium-sized, and not skinny. I wasn’t sure if it had been a rhetorical question, like when people say “hot enough for ya?” or if he expected a thought-out response. I was momentarily confused, looking at his wielded appendage. “Yes,” I replied, with certainty. It was big enough for me.”

“You look at me and judge me. And I just want to ask, for what? I am in full control. No one has a gun to my head. Why can't this be my profession,one I have chosen for myself? I tell you prostitutes are professional in their skills and practise it like the vocation of true apostles- and why shouldn't they? What's so different from the accountant or the doctor selling his time? I ended up in this profession in the same way someone might end up being a lawyer because the couldn't get into engineering or dentistry,or because they couldn't get into medicine, or even a banker who grew up telling everyone they want to be a soccer player. They do those things because that was what was available for heir talents and their circumstances at that time. But do we pity them? No, because that's lif-”

“When I was thinking about How Poetry Saved My Life entering the “big literary world” I more so viewed it as sub genre or an underdog book because there are still comparatively so few books about sex work, especially from authors who once worked street, like I have. Disclosing to working street-level sex work still feels risky to me. Apart from Runaway by Evelyn Lau (published in 1989) I have yet to read a first person memoir about street work. More of these stories must be out there—perhaps I just haven’t found them yet.”

“A sex worker who is living precariously or in poverty, who is at risk of criminalization or police violence, or who is being exploited by a manager or lacks negotiating power is not likely to be particularly 'sex positive' at work. These factors are structural, not a function of the worker's state of enlightenment.”

“Be realistic, Aiden, I told myself. You know your value to the penny and it's measured in inches, time, age, stamina, looks, and being able to put up with gross and sometimes bizarre situations. Personality was far down on a much longer list, and even farther down came intelligence. You should have insisted on having sex.”

“Maybe he'd never come across anybody as well versed at objectifying body parts as I was. In my defense, this was an occupational hazard; one of the tricks of my trade was the ability to work with whatever was at hand. Over the years I'd learned to pinpoint my focus to the width of a pubic hair if there was nothing else to work with. (...) Before my eyes -or, more precisely, in my mind- Rasher became Lovely Bum Man.”

“Maybe he'd never come acrross anybody as well versed at objectifying body parts as I was. In my defense, this was an occupational hazard; one of the tricks of my trade was the ability to work with whatever was at hand. Over the years I'd learned to pinpoint my focus to the width of a pubic hair if there was nothing else to work with.”

“Maybe he'd never come acrross anybody as well versed at objectifying body parts as I was. In my defense, this was an occupational hazard; one of the tricks of my trade was the ability to work with whatever was at hand. Over the years I'd learned to pinpoint my focus to the width of a pubic hair if there was nothing else to work with. (...) Before my eyes -or, more precisely, in my mind- Rasher became Lovely Bum Man.”

“The Ritz Hotel was grand, sophisticated, and established, unlike me. The only thing we had in common was façade. Mine may not have been as ornate but it was equally phony. I was presenting myself as an escort; I advertised as one, negotiated like one on the phone, and I identified as one to whoever was interested. I even simulated sex for escort rates.”

“Look, nearly everything in the culture says we're freaks. Doing sex work, we're desired; we can get rewarded for being what we've always wanted to be. What's so bad about that? My own notion is I wish sex work would be decriminalized (not legalized, please note the distinction) so that more trannies could get into the field if they wanted to and not get into trouble for it.”

“I think in certain ways sex work has been romanticized. I can only speak from my experience, but what surprised me about escorting was how boring it mostly is. it seemed like an assembly line process of cleaning my apartment, dressing up, making awkward small talk, having mundane mechanical sex, making more awkward small talk, and then closing the door after them. There's also a lot of frustration and annoyance with it that I feel isn't discussed (a lot of flaky potential clients for instance.)”

“I write about how I was attracted to stripping because I didn't feel comfortable with my body, for instance, but there could be plenty of not-so-good reasons why I chose to go into journalism, too. Maybe someone had a trauma in childhood and it led them to become a nurse, or a lawyer, but because people stigmatize sex work they try to find a traumatic moment in your past and say, "There!"”

“It occurs to me that there's been a relatively recent tendency in the media to see prostitutes as victims and johns as exploiters. I don't think most prostitutes see themselves as victims or see their clients as exploiters, but that way of seeing prostitutes and johns is pretty common now outside of sex-work circles, and it's more shameful to be the exploiter than the exploited.”