“If you decide on having an alcoholic at your party, make sure it's a large gathering. This way, until the alcoholic begins removing their clothes or dangling the cat out the window, they can sort of blend in. An alcoholic at a small gathering is called an intervention.” IfsWayPartyClothesCatWindowDrinkingGatheringInterventionAlcoholismAlcoholics Author:Amy Sedaris
“If you cannot come to the party, do not cancel at the last minute or give a message to a child to inform the host. And don't bother explaining why you can't attend because anything after 'because' is bullshit.” IfsGivingChildrenLastsPartyMinutesMessagesBotherHostBullshitExplainingLast Minute Author:Amy Sedaris
“If you see a shy person, ask them some questions like, 'Why are you so shy? Tell everyone, we're all listening.” IfsPersonsAsksListeningShyShy Person Author:Amy Sedaris
“I've never played anyone who didn't like themselves. I don't care if they're unattractive, but it's important that they think of themselves as attractive. And I guess that's part of their charm.” IfsThinkingImportantCareDon't CareI Don't CareAttractiveCharmUnattractive Author:Amy Sedaris
“That's why I love improvisational theater so much - you do it [scene] once and then it's done. You don't get bogged down with a lot of preplanning and repetition. If I do something and it gets a laugh, I don't want to do it again. Why bother? I'm just repeating myself. It's boring.” IfsWantDoneLaughingSceneTheaterBoringBotherRepetitionWhy Bother Author:Amy Sedaris
“I just hate the whole idea of labeling anything as a comedy. If you tell me something's funny, I'll want to rebel against it. When I go to a bookstore and see books categorized as humor, I get furious. Don't tell me that a book is funny. Let me decide if it's funny. It's the same with sitcoms. You call something a sitcom and people expect it to be funny. And that ruins everything.” PeopleIfsWantBookIdeasWholeHateComedyLet MeRuinsRebelSitcomBookstoresFuriousLabeling Author:Amy Sedaris
“I'm not very good with drink recipes. If I'm entertaining, I like to come up with a house drink for the evening, one thing I'll make for the whole evening of the whole month.” IfsWholeHouseOne ThingMonthsDrinkVery GoodCome UpEveningEntertainingRecipes Author:Amy Sedaris
“I like to be around entertaining people. Even if they're bored, and you're in a convalescent home, there's something entertaining about that, in a way.” PeopleIfsWayHomeBoredEntertaining Author:Amy Sedaris
“A lot of times girls think they're funny, but they want to pretty at the same time, and if you want to be funny, you have to be willing to get ugly.” IfsThinkingWantGirlWillingUgly Author:Amy Sedaris
“If I put my mind to something, it happens. I do know that's not necessarily psychic. But I always feel like there's something around me protecting me.” IfsKnowsFeelsMindHappensPsychics Author:Amy Sedaris
“Sometimes, to keep things exciting, I decorate my house as if I owned a child. I'll toss a tiny pair of shoes in the hallway or lean small wooden crutches in what I refer to as 'the baby's room,' which is actually a tiny space where I make things. I continue to call it the baby's room because it confuses people and it's creepy.” PeopleIfsChildrenSometimesHouseSpaceRoomsBabyExcitingShoesTinyPairsCreepyTossCrutchesHallwaysPair Of Shoes Author:Amy Sedaris
“They just expected it to you know... Paul, Steve and I could have hired our own publicist, if we wanted to, but I kind of liked the way it was more of a cult thing and those that liked it, liked it, you know what I mean?” IfsKnowsWayKindMeanWantedExpectedCultPublicists Author:Amy Sedaris
“Don't make anybody a homemade gift. Unless you're really good, or it's going to be really practical. If it's a little thing you think is cute 'cause you made it, just forget it.” IfsThinkingLittlesMadeCausesForgetPracticalsMade ItCuteLittle ThingsForget ItHomemade Author:Amy Sedaris
“If I know I have to memorize lines, I'm really gonna try to memorize lines. It's hard for me sometimes, because somebody wrote these words and you're trying really hard to get them the way they said it.” IfsKnowsWayTryingSaidSometimesHardLinesThey SaidTrying Really Hard Author:Amy Sedaris
“If I'm creating something for myself, then I want to have fun.” IfsWantFunCreatingHaving FunCreating Something Author:Amy Sedaris
