“Most people think witches are a coven of lesbians dancing naked in the forest celebrating the semen stolen from imprisoned hypnotized males, which they then use to inseminate one another using turkey basters in order to create a legion of demon babies. Well, that's only part of it. We are also active in community outreach programs.” PeopleThinkingWellsUseOrderCommunityBabyProgramDancingMalesActiveForestsNakedCelebrateDemonWitchStolenTurkeysWitchcraftLegionOutreach Author:Amy Sedaris
“When you hear someone use the word 'meds' instead of the word 'medicine,' chances are they're no stranger to massive doses of mind-altering psychotropic drugs. Back out of the room slowly.” MindUseChanceRoomsDrugMedicineStrangerMassiveChances AreDoseMeds Author:Amy Sedaris
“Exercise your imagination muscle! How many uses can you come up with for a flowerpot? Write down your answers. But don't write them in this book. Grab a separate sheet of paper. I didn't spend two and a half weeks writing a book just so you could mark up the pages with your silly ideas for things you can do with a flowerpot. When it comes down to it, what's wrong with a flowerpot not being a flowerpot? Why is nothing ever good enough for you?” WritingTwoBookIdeasEnoughUseCan DoImaginationAnswersHalfWeekExercisePaperPagesMarkCome UpSillyMusclesGood EnoughSheetsWriting A Book Author:Amy Sedaris
“Imagination! My problem is that I have so many ideas, I never have enough time to use them all. Just the other day I thought up eleven things I could do with a flowerpot. Eleven! Three of those things didn't even involve plants.” IdeasEnoughUseProblemThreeImaginationPlantElevenEnough Time Author:Amy Sedaris
“I like crafts that come out of poverty or necessity. There used to be hobby shops where you'd get your supplies, and then you'd use your imagination.” UseUsedImaginationPovertyUsed To BeCraftsShopsHobbiesSupplies Author:Amy Sedaris
“You think in a different way when you don't have any money. The joy of poverty is that you use your imagination to come up with stuff.” ThinkingWayDifferentUseJoyStuffImaginationPovertyCome UpDifferent Ways Author:Amy Sedaris
“I want witchcraft so bad that I can't stand it. I have wands in my apartment. And I use them sometimes. I walk into the kitchen with my wand, and I come out with something on a platter and I say, 'See, magic happens.' Works every time.” WantI CanSometimesUseHappensWalksMagicKitchenApartmentWitchcraftWands Author:Amy Sedaris
