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Dom Irrera

Dom Irrera Quotes

Comedian

Dom Irrera, born Dominick Irrera, is an American comedian known for his unique humor style and sharp wit. He is a prominent figure in the comedy world. Born on November 18, 1948, Irrera began his career in the 1970s and has remained active on stage to this day.

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Famous Dom Irrera Quotes

“I don't understand people who go to amusement parks. I spend most of my time trying NOT to be nauseous. 'Excuse me, could you strap me in upside down? I'd like to be as sick as humanly possible. I feel great today, I think I'll go down to Funland and snap my neck on the back of a ride. Honey, let's bring the kids, I want to give them a spinal cord injury for Christmas.'”

People Thinking Want Giving Feels Trying Kids Today Sick Excuse My Time Parks Necks Injury Honey Amusement Snaps Upside Down Cords Excuse Me Amusement Parks Spinal Cord Spinal Cord Injuries

Author:Dom Irrera

“You ever get sick and one of your friends gives you medical advice? And they tell you that they're not a doctor - like you didn't know it?”

Knows Giving Advice Like You Doctors Sick Medical

Author:Dom Irrera

“My father never cheated on my mother. He used to cheat on me. He used to pick other kids after school. Take them to the zoo. Take them to play ball. One day he came to me. He says, Look I got to level with you. I met another kid.”

Looks Play Kids School Used Mother Father Levels Mets One Day Picks Balls Cheat Cheated Zoos After School Cheated On

Author:Dom Irrera

“Everyone always says, Does it bother you that Italians are always portrayed as Mafia characters? No, it doesn't bother me. First of all, not everybody in my family is in the Mafia. I have one uncle who's clean.”

Firsts Doe Character My Family Clean Bother Uncles Mafia

Author:Dom Irrera

“My whole family, all they talk about is food and disease. And they're competitive with illness: I have a cold. I wish I had a cold! I don't even have sinuses anymore.”

Whole Wish Cold Disease Illness Whole Family Sinuses

Author:Dom Irrera

“Nobody needs a cookie. You will never get your lab results back, Well, apparently, Miss Bexim what you need - and I am a doctor, I've never seen this before - some sort of a cookie. You're actually too healthy. You need a cookie.”

Needs Wells Results Missing Healthy Doctors Cookies Labs

Author:Dom Irrera

“I want to be a bloated alcoholic. That's my goal - it is, I'm serious, because there is no other disease that is more fun than alcoholism. I know it has its downside, but I'll tell you, there's no other party disease like alcohol.”

Knows Want Fun Goal Party Serious Disease Alcohol Alcoholism Alcoholics

Author:Dom Irrera

“You can't have an honest fourth grade school teacher. Mr. and Mrs. Jones, Johnny, your son, your only child, the fruit of your loin, is a moron. I have no idea how this kid finds a door to get out of the house in the morning. If I were you, I would waste him and start over. Now, I say that with all due respect.”

Ifs Children Ideas Kids School House Morning Teacher Doors Honest Son Waste Fruit Dues No Idea Grades Fourth Starting Over Moron Only Child Your Son School Teachers Grades In School Fourth Grade

Author:Dom Irrera

“I was an actor in college and it was much easier than being a waiter. I thought it was fun to get paid. People were not exactly surprised to see me going in the field.”

People Actors Fun Fields College Easier Paid Waiter

Author:Dom Irrera

“I love that red wine is good for you. Isn't that cool? I want to hear more of this. I want to hear more things in life like, Red wine, in conjunction with a lap dance, while watching NFL football, is the best cardiovascular workout you can have.”

Want Football Red Wine Nfl Things In Life Workout Lap Conjunctions Red Wine Nfl Football Cardiovascular Lap Dances

Author:Dom Irrera

“Well, I am not always joking, sometimes I am serious. But some people always expect you to be funny. If you were like you are on stage, you would be obnoxious. With the jokes and the putdowns, I would need to take a break... juggle something.”

People Ifs Needs Wells Sometimes Would Be Break Stage Serious Like You Jokes Obnoxious

Author:Dom Irrera

“My cousin Louie, we walk into a bar, and he says, Dom, I think that waitress knows me. What do you think she knows, Louie? The fact that your belly came in four steps ahead of you?”

Thinking Knows Facts Walks Steps Four Bars Know Me Belly Cousin Waitress My Cousin Doms

Author:Dom Irrera

“I think boxing is an incredible sport and I would like to see it really become regulated because I think it could bring back a lot of the past.”

Thinking Past Sports Incredibles Boxing

Author:Dom Irrera

About the Author

Born: November 18, 1948
Known for: Comedian
Quotes: 13

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