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Eugene Mirman Quotes

Comedian

Eugene Mirman is an American comedian known for his unique and witty style of humor. Born on July 24, 1974, he has been active in the comedy scene since the early 2000s. Mirman is recognized for his performances in comedy clubs and television shows, including roles on Comedy Central's 'The Problem with Apu' and 'The Sarah Silverman Program'. His comedy works are celebrated for their satirical take on social phenomena and profound insights into everyday life.

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Famous Eugene Mirman Quotes

“Before going home with a guy, give him a blow job. Guys are always more relaxed after a blow job. (You're totally welcome, guys. P.S. Girls can't see this sentence!!!!!)”

Humor Sex Oral Sex Fellatio

Book:The Will to Whatevs: A Guide to Modern Life – The Ultimate Satirical Field Manual for Becoming an Artist or Disappointing Your Parents

Source: The Will to Whatevs: A Guide to Modern Life – The Ultimate Satirical Field Manual for Becoming an Artist or Disappointing Your Parents

“I remember the first time I had sex. I wore a cape and goggles... because I didn't know.”

Knows Firsts Remember Sex First Time Capes Goggles

Author:Eugene Mirman

“There's nothing sexier than a girl who's like, 'I know who FDR is, I know about the New Deal, I'm going to give you a new deal.' And then, over a period of years, she structures her sex acts in such a way that they save the economy.”

Knows Way Giving Years Girl Sex Deals Economy Periods Structure New Deal

Author:Eugene Mirman

“Don't get me wrong - I'll put $25 on the ground and then if you pick it up and we have sex in an alley, that's not a crime. That's a coincidence.”

Ifs Sex Crime Picks Coincidence Alleys

Author:Eugene Mirman

“Boys have penises and girls have vaginas. If they touch at the wrong time, you can make a baby or die.”

Ifs Dies Girl Sex Boys Baby Wrong Time

Author:Eugene Mirman

“Sports bars are also a great place for guys to meet other guys--either for sex or for wrestling, whichever feels more right.”

Feels Guy Sex Sports Bars Wrestling Other Guys

Author:Eugene Mirman

“Prom night can be a special night, if you let it be. I know you think it's for losers and something that popular kids do because they are boring people with porcelain hearts who don't know what it means to be lonely. But you're wrong. Prom is a chance for everyone to try oral sex. Go for it.”

People Ifs Thinking Knows Trying Heart Mean Kids Night Sex Chance Special Lonely Boring Loser Prom Porcelain Prom Night

Author:Eugene Mirman

About the Author

Born: July 24, 1974
Known for: Comedian
Quotes: 80

Books & Sources

The Will to Whatevs: A Guide to Modern LifeRelated source material

The Will to Whatevs: A Guide to Modern Life – The Ultimate Satirical Field Manual for Becoming an Artist or Disappointing Your ParentsRelated source material

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