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The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals that Protect Us from Violence

Book by Gavin de Becker · 17 quotes · Fear, People, Abuse

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The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals that Protect Us from Violence Quotes

“We must learn and then teach our children that niceness does not equal goodness. Niceness is a decision, a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait. People seeking to control others almost always present the image of a nice person in the beginning.”

PeopleInspirationalChildrenPersonsDoeCharacterSocialDecisionTeachLearningNiceEqualGoodnessOur ChildrenStrategySeekingMy ChildrenInteractionTraitsTeaching ChildrenNice PeopleFirst ImpressionSocial InteractionNicenessNice PersonInteracting With OthersCharacter TraitControl Someone
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“"No" is a word that must never be negotiated, because the person who chooses not to hear it is trying to control you... Declining to hear "no" is a signal that someone is either seeking control or refusing to relinquish it.”

TryingPersonsChoicesAbuseSeekingRefuseHearingControlledDeclineSignalsNegotiationSaying NoNegationRelinquishing
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“We trust security guards—you know, the employment pool that gave us the Son of Sam killer, the assassin of John Lennon, the Hillside Strangler, and more arsonists and rapists than you have time to read about. Has the security industry earned your confidence? Has government earned it? We have a Department of Justice, but it would be more appropriate to have a department of violence prevention because that’s what we need and that’s what we care about. Justice is swell, but safety is survival.”

FearTrustSurvival Instinct
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“We think conscious thought is somehow better, when in fact, intuition is soaring flight compared to the plodding of logic. Nature’s greatest accomplishment, the human brain, is never more efficient or invested than when its host is at risk. Then, intuition is catapulted to another level entirely, a height at which it can accurately be called graceful, even miraculous. Intuition is the journey from A to Z without stopping at any other letter along the way. It is knowing without knowing why.”

FearCrime
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“No amount of logic can usually move a battered woman, so persuasion requires emotional leverage, not statistics or moral arguments. . . .I have seen their fear and resistance firsthand . . . I believe it is critical for a woman to view staying as a choice, for only then can leaving be viewed as a choice and an option.”

AbuseDomestic ViolenceIntimate Partner Violence
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