Quotessence
Home / Authors / Gavin de Becker Books
Gavin de Becker

Gavin de Becker Books

Author

Related Quotes

“We trust security guards—you know, the employment pool that gave us the Son of Sam killer, the assassin of John Lennon, the Hillside Strangler, and more arsonists and rapists than you have time to read about. Has the security industry earned your confidence? Has government earned it? We have a Department of Justice, but it would be more appropriate to have a department of violence prevention because that’s what we need and that’s what we care about. Justice is swell, but safety is survival.”

FearTrustSurvival Instinct
Book:The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals that Protect Us from Violence
Create image

“Often, knowing the language of a given prediction is more important than understanding exactly what a person says. The key is understanding the meaning and the perspective beneath and behind the words people choose. When predicting violence, some of the languages include: The language of rejection The language of entitlement The language of grandiosity The language of attention seeking The language of revenge The language of attachment The language of identity seeking Attention seeking, grandiosity, entitlement, and rejection are often linked. Think of someone you know who is always in need of attention, who cannot bear to be alone or to be unheard. Few people like being ignored, of course, but to this person it will have a far greater meaning.”

PoliticsPowerViolenceFameSurvivalPredicting People
Book:The Gift of Fear
Create image

“We think conscious thought is somehow better, when in fact, intuition is soaring flight compared to the plodding of logic. Nature’s greatest accomplishment, the human brain, is never more efficient or invested than when its host is at risk. Then, intuition is catapulted to another level entirely, a height at which it can accurately be called graceful, even miraculous. Intuition is the journey from A to Z without stopping at any other letter along the way. It is knowing without knowing why.”

FearCrime
Book:The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals that Protect Us from Violence
Create image

“The best antidote to worry is action. If there is an action that will lessen the likelihood of a dreaded outcome occurring, and if that action doesn't cost too much in terms of effort or freedom, then take it. The worry about whether we remembered to close the baby gate at the top of the stairs can be stopped in an instant by checking. Then it isn't a worry anymore; it's just a brief impulse. Almost all of the worry parents feel about keeping their children safe evolves from the conflict between intuition and inaction. Your choices when worrying are clear: take action, have faith, pray, seek comfort, or keep worrying.”

ChildrenKidsActionFaithFearWorrySafetyParenting
Author:Gavin de Becker
Create image

“While you may be able to keep your son Jimmy from owning [a gun], if you try to talk him out of wanting one, you are up against a pretty strong argument: You mean I shouldn't want a device that grants me power and identity, makes me feel dangerous and safe at the same time, instantly makes me the dominant male, and connects me to my evolutionary essence? Come on, Mom, get real!”

ChildrenParentingGuns
Book:Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe
Create image

“No amount of logic can usually move a battered woman, so persuasion requires emotional leverage, not statistics or moral arguments. . . .I have seen their fear and resistance firsthand . . . I believe it is critical for a woman to view staying as a choice, for only then can leaving be viewed as a choice and an option.”

AbuseDomestic ViolenceIntimate Partner Violence
Book:The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals that Protect Us from Violence
Create image

“I've successfully lobbied and testified for stalking laws in several states, but I would trade them all for a high school class that would teach young men how to hear “no,” and teach young women that it's all right to explicitly reject.”

MenStatesSchoolLawYoungClassTeachHigh SchoolTradeYoung ManRejectsYoung WomenStalkingHigh School Class
Book:Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane)
Create image

“We must learn and then teach our children that niceness does not equal goodness. Niceness is a decision, a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait. People seeking to control others almost always present the image of a nice person in the beginning.”

PeopleInspirationalChildrenPersonsDoeCharacterSocialDecisionTeachLearningNiceEqualGoodnessOur ChildrenStrategySeekingMy ChildrenInteractionTraitsTeaching ChildrenNice PeopleFirst ImpressionSocial InteractionNicenessNice PersonInteracting With OthersCharacter TraitControl Someone
Book:The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals that Protect Us from Violence
Create image

“When a baby is born the mother in particular enters into a new larger relationship with the world. She has become connected to all people. She is part of keeping us on earthnot the "us" comprised of individuals but the species itself. By protecting this one baby this gift a mother accepts life's clearest responsibility.”

PeopleWorldMotherIndividualBornResponsibilityAcceptingParticularBabySpeciesConnected
Book:Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane)
Create image

“When dreaded outcomes are actually imminent we don't worry about themwe take action. Seeing lava from the local volcano make its way down the street toward our house does not cause worry it causes running. Also we don't usually choose imminent events as subjects for our worrying and thus emerges an ironic truth: Often the very fact that you are worrying about something means that it isn't likely to happen.”

WayMeanDoeFactsHappensRunningActionHouseCausesWorrySeeingStreetsSubjectsEventsLocalsOutcomesIronicVolcanoesLava
Book:Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane)
Create image

“"No" is a word that must never be negotiated, because the person who chooses not to hear it is trying to control you... Declining to hear "no" is a signal that someone is either seeking control or refusing to relinquish it.”

TryingPersonsChoicesAbuseSeekingRefuseHearingControlledDeclineSignalsNegotiationSaying NoNegationRelinquishing
Book:The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals that Protect Us from Violence
Create image