There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

“She called herself a nighshifter, and it took me a second to realize that she meant she works the night shift, and not that she shifts between being a human being and moonlit blackness. I was kind of hoping to watch her morph for me.”

HumorCommunicationMoonMeaningMoonlightShapeshifterShapeshiftingMorph

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

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“To blame me in the past is a very future me thing to do. But what am I supposed to do, blame someone else for my mistakes? Somebody needs to be held accountable, and it certainly won’t be the version of me in that moment.”

HumorPastTimeMistakeHistoryBlameMistakesAbsurdAccountability

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

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“I can teach you how to dance, but I can't teach you how to be sexy. Well, I mean I can, but it'll cost you an additional $19.95.”

HumorMoneyTeachTeacherDancingDanceSexyAbsurdSales

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

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“I dance like both my shoes are nailed to the wall. It goes way beyond mere performance and into the realm of art. I am the Rodin of the music world.”

ArtHumorMusicDancingDanceShoesSculptureSurrealPerformanceRodin

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

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“The key to dancing is to do it without music. Whoever first paired dancing and music together was an absolute lunatic, and would have been more useful to society if squeezed out of a tube of toothpaste. Nine out of ten dentists agree with me.”

HumorMusicSocietyDancingDanceLunaticDentistToothpaste

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

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“What's the difference between running shoes and dancing shoes? Nothing, if you find a song that's 26.2 miles long.”

HumorRunningSongMusicDancingDanceAbsurdMarathonRun

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

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“The truth is like a nipple: the more you twist it, the more somebody is going to get hurt.”

HumorTruthPainHurtTwistNipple

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

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“In the New World Order, you’ll probably have to buy a Dream Subscription, and without it sleep will just be black rest. Dreams are entertainment, and for that you’ll have to pay.”

DreamHumorSleepMoneyPayDreamsEntertainmentDreaming

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

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“I’m not a very good sleeper. But you know what? I’m willing to put in a few extra hours every day to get better. That’s just the kind of hard worker I am.”

HumorSleepHard WorkAbsurdLazySleeping

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

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“How do pillow makers sleep at night? Do they have no souls? How can pillow makers sleep knowing they make an Object of Violence that is involved in more fights than any other component of bedding?”

SoulHumorSleepViolenceBedPillowSleepingBedsPillows

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

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“I love sleepwalking, because when else would I get to combine exercise and rest?”

HumorSleepExerciseRestSleepwalkingSleepwalk

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

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“I'm an interesting guy. I have thrilling hobbies like sleeping, napping, and dozing. If we meet up and chat over coffee, your conversation will probably excite me enough to give you a demonstration of my skills.”

HumorSleepTalkingConversationBoringCoffeeTalkYawn

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

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“What if guns shot clouds, rather than bullets? Then they’d not only be peaceful, but they’d be delayed water guns. Is there a Nobel Farm Prize?”

HumorPeaceWaterViolenceRainCloudsPeaceful

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

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