There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

“I just invented a way to put the smooth sounds of a saxophone directly into a trumpet—with little or minimal rusting. When you listen to my music, just close your eyes, because your mind is about to take a romantic trip—inside of a mental elevator.”

HumorRomanceMusicRomanticAbsurdSaxophoneElevatorTrumpet

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

♥0Copy quoteCreate image

ftpin@

“I hate fake people. You know what I’m talking about. Mannequins.”

PeopleRealHumorTruthAbsurdTrueFake PeopleMannequinsMannequin

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

♥0Copy quoteCreate image

ftpin@

“Camouflaged letters would help improve communication, and I explain the reason why in this invisible text:”

WritingHumorCommunicationLettersAbsurdWriterMessageCamouflageText

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

♥0Copy quoteCreate image

ftpin@

“Sometimes I fish, and sometimes my vending machine is broken so I can’t. Thanks for all your Butterfly Smiles. I have them FOR SALE as Powdered Rose Substitute, for people who don't like the taste of their morning protein shakes.”

HumorFlowerRoseSmileAbsurdFishingButterflySurrealFish

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

♥0Copy quoteCreate image

ftpin@

“I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side.”

HumorDatingAbsurdTurkey

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

♥0Copy quoteCreate image

ftpin@

“Never let go of a good thing without a fight. Especially if that good thing is a pair of boxing gloves.”

HumorFightingAbsurdBoxingFightBoxBoxing Gloves

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

♥0Copy quoteCreate image

ftpin@

“Your orange fanny pack reminds me of my Leftover Meatloaf Holder. I wear it when I work out or make love. My incredible level of romance can be rented by you for the unbelievably low price of $14.95 per hour.”

HumorRomanceSexMoneyFashionAbsurdSalesMake LoveFanny Pack

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

♥0Copy quoteCreate image

ftpin@

“The Whisper Factory is now hiring! Report your grandma for suspicious behavior and get PAID!”

HumorMoneySecretAbsurdSuspiciousSurveillanceHiringWhisperSnitch

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

♥0Copy quoteCreate image

ftpin@

“They don't play the trombone like the tuba anymore. I blame it on canned tunafish.”

HumorMusicAbsurdTunaTromboneTuba

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

♥0Copy quoteCreate image

ftpin@

“I'm so good at math that you can ask me any question, any equation, and I'll convert it into trumpet sounds with my mouth. If it's tough enough, I may answer with Dizzy Gillespie noises.”

HumorMusicMathAbsurdSurrealEquationTrumpet

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

♥0Copy quoteCreate image

ftpin@

“Self-driving cars are so lonely. Are you really going to use all that extra commute time to binge-watch Netflix? Why not hire me to sit next to you and whistle all your favorite tunes?”

HumorMusicCarAbsurdTransportationCarsNetflixWhistlingWhistleSelf Driving

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

♥0Copy quoteCreate image

ftpin@

“He said he had a stroke reading my absurd writing, so I said, “Thank you for your service.” Then I continued washing my dishes in my lawnmower.”

WritingHumorReadingAbsurdWriterWriteWashing DishesStrokeLawnmower

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

♥0Copy quoteCreate image

ftpin@

“We shared some laughs, her and I. I was content to go on sharing, but she took her whole Box of Laughter and went home, leaving me alone with my memes.”

HumorRelationshipsLaughterAbsurdMemesMeme

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

♥0Copy quoteCreate image

ftpin@

“When I told people I’d reinvent the orgasm, people moaned in disbelief. Well, nobody’s moaning now.”

HumorSexAbsurdDisbeliefOrgasmMoan

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

♥0Copy quoteCreate image

ftpin@

“Pool tables should have contours, like golf courses. For a novice billiards player, I have a pretty good swing.”

HumorGolfAbsurdPoolGolf CourseGolfingBilliardsPool Table

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

♥0Copy quoteCreate image

ftpin@

“Tourists are as fleeting as holographic butterflies. The only thing permanent in this world is my Leftover Meatloaf. Branson needs to quickly learn this before I'm completely SOLD OUT.”

HumorAbsurdButterflySalesTourismTouristBransonHologramBranson Missouri

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

♥0Copy quoteCreate image

ftpin@

“Sometimes the best pizza is sushi. That’s where I go to get my haircut. Discounts available for fish with fur.”

HumorAbsurdBizarreSurrealPizzaFishSushiHaircutNon Sequitur

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

♥0Copy quoteCreate image

ftpin@

“Teleportation is weird. Especially if you’re wearing your neighbor’s skin suit and using his body to get around the old fashioned way—by walking. Why don’t you pick me up in a 1990 black Jeep Cherokee?”

HumorWalkingAbsurdTransportationWalkTeleportationJeep

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

♥0Copy quoteCreate image

ftpin@

“To blame me in the past is a very future me thing to do. But what am I supposed to do, blame someone else for my mistakes? Somebody needs to be held accountable, and it certainly won’t be the version of me in that moment.”

HumorPastTimeMistakeHistoryBlameMistakesAbsurdAccountability

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

♥0Copy quoteCreate image

ftpin@

“I can teach you how to dance, but I can't teach you how to be sexy. Well, I mean I can, but it'll cost you an additional $19.95.”

HumorMoneyTeachTeacherDancingDanceSexyAbsurdSales

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

♥0Copy quoteCreate image

ftpin@

“What's the difference between running shoes and dancing shoes? Nothing, if you find a song that's 26.2 miles long.”

HumorRunningSongMusicDancingDanceAbsurdMarathonRun

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

♥0Copy quoteCreate image

ftpin@

“I’m not a very good sleeper. But you know what? I’m willing to put in a few extra hours every day to get better. That’s just the kind of hard worker I am.”

HumorSleepHard WorkAbsurdLazySleeping

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

♥0Copy quoteCreate image

ftpin@