Quotessence
Home / Authors / Jim Gaffigan
Jim Gaffigan

Jim Gaffigan Quotes

Comedian

Filter quotes by topic

AllFunnyPeopleThinkingComedyKnowsHumorKindIfsWantFeelsComedianGuyKidsIdeasWritingLike YouTryingLooksShouldHey

Famous Jim Gaffigan Quotes

“You never want to be the worst bowler of the group-because then everyone treats you like you have cancer. "You can do it! We're praying for you." The advice starts. "Use a heavier ball." "Keep your arm straight." "You should get a vasectomy." If you're really bad at bowling like me, they'll ask if want the bumpers up. Not that bowling is that complex anyway. "You want the bumpers? We can get rid of the pins. Why don't you take this coloring book and sit in the corner?"”

IfsWantShouldBookUseFunnyAsksCan DoComedyGroupsWorstAdviceLike YouArmsPrayingTreatsBallsComplexesCancerCornersLike MeYou Can Do ItPinsBowlingBumperBowlersPraying For YouVasectomy
Author:Jim Gaffigan
Create image

“There's this message to comedians in particular, that you shouldn't write it, and a television writer should write it. And that's a prevailing conventional wisdom that I think is really wrong. That's not to say that television writers aren't great, but I think that the belief that some comedy writer's going to be able to capture your voice is naive.”

ThinkingShouldWritingAbleBeliefVoiceComedyTelevisionParticularMessagesComedianCaptureConventionalNaivePrevailingConventional Wisdom
Author:Jim Gaffigan
Create image

“There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.”

IfsKnowsShouldChildrenSongFatherSleepDadFatherhoodFathers DayFather SonYour DadBeing A FatherFunny ParentHappy First Fathers DayFathers Day InspirationalFunny Fathers DayHappy Fathers DayHappy Fathers Day GodFunny FatherFunny Happy Fathers DayHappy Fathers Day MomFathers Day ImagesHappy Fathers Day GreetingsHappy Fathers Day ImagesBest DadFunny Dad
Author:Jim Gaffigan
Create image

“People treat having a kid as somehow retiring from success. Quitting. Have you seen a baby? They’re pretty cute. Loving them is pretty easy. Smiling babies should actually be categorized by the pharmaceutical industry as a powerful antidepressant. Being happy is really the definition of success, isn’t it?”

PeopleShouldKidsEasyPowerfulBabyIndustryTreatsDefinitionsQuittingCuteRetiringPharmaceuticalDefinition Of SuccessAntidepressantsPharmaceutical Industry
Book:Dad Is Fat
Create image