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Mira Kirshenbaum

Mira Kirshenbaum Biography

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“When we’ve been betrayed, we feel like we’ve discovered the truth about someone. But in fact all we’ve done is discover one truth about them. We’ve discovered that they can do this bad thing. Fine. Now we know. And, of course, it’s devastating. But where does that leave us? Knowing this bad truth about someone doesn’t mean that no good truth about them is possible. Not at all. The person who betrayed us might well turn out to be someone who is genuinely sorry and has a real capacity for regaining our trust.”

MarriageTrustBetrayal
Book:I Love You But I Don't Trust You: The Complete Guide to Restoring Trust in Your Relationship
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“I can see every day that a squirrel's perfectly at home in a world of trees. But imagine taking that squirrel and plunking him down in the middle of the desert. This wonderful animal will suddenly feel depressed, anxious, confused, completely at a loss. There are plenty of animals who make a home in the desert, but not the squirrel. There's nothing really wrong with that downcast squirrel in the desert. He's perfect. But he's only perfect when he's at home, in a place with lots of trees. In the desert a squirrel is an unhappy misfit. Now imagine doing something stupid: taking that squirrel to a therapist so he'll feel better... You could do squirrel therapy forever but as long as the squirrel's in the desert, he's going to be miserable. But if you just pick him up and bring him to a place with trees, now he's at home and he's happy. There are so many people who are miserable because they are squirrels in the desert. They think there's something wrong with them. They endlessly try to fix themselves but the fixing doesn't work. Yet they keep trying because it's hard to face the ways they're not at home in the world. And yet how simple it would be if they could see there's nothing wrong with who they are, there's just something wrong with where they are. But they can feel more at home than they ever imagined. They just have to look for ways that events in their lives are showing them the way home.”

LifeHomeDepressionTherapyMisfitSquirrel
Book:Everything Happens for a Reason: Finding the True Meaning of the Events in Our Lives
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“Another way to put an end to self-rejection is ask yourself whether what you're telling yourself is what a friend would say, or what an enemy would. Friends are supportive. Enemies put us down and undermine our confidence. So if you say something that an enemy would say, stop. Answer back, 'I'm going to be supportive of myself. As a friend, what I have to say to myself is . . .' Then say something supportive.”

IfsWayEndsSelfAsksAnswersEnemyDown AndRejectionBeing YourselfSupportiveAnother Way
Book:Everything Happens for a Reason: Finding the True Meaning of the Events in Our Lives
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“Things happen to help you get rid of the parts of yourself that aren't you; to help you be more real and more yourself, not like everyone else; to help you lead a more authentic life; and ultimately to help you discover who you really are.”

RealHelpingHappensThings HappenBeing YourselfAuthentic Life
Book:Everything Happens for a Reason: Finding the True Meaning of the Events in Our Lives
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“But when you personalize your life, when you make your life a place where you can be yourself, when you do things the way you want to do them, your life feels like your home. And that is a tremendous source of emotional energy.”

WayWantFeelsHomeEnergyEmotionalLike YouSourceBeing YourselfEmotional Energy
Book:The Emotional Energy Factor: The Secrets High-Energy People Use to Beat Emotional Fatigue
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“Perfectionism is a time waster - 20 percent of the effort you put into any project accomplishes 80 percent of the outcome - so this is a time to ask yourself when good enough is enough and then stop.”

EnoughAsksEffortPositiveProjectsPercentAccomplishOutcomesGood EnoughWasting TimePerfectionismEnough Is Enough
Book:The Gift of a Year: How to Give Yourself the Most Meaningful, Satisfying, and Pleasurable Year of Your Life
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