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Norm MacDonald

Norm MacDonald Quotes

Comedian

Norm MacDonald is a Canadian comedian known for his unique humor style and satirical wit. Born on October 17, 1963, he has been active in the television and film industry since the 1980s. MacDonald is recognized for his roles in comedy shows and his performances in movies, which are often characterized by sharp observations and wit that resonate with audiences.

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All Men People Knows Ifs Thinking Shows Guy Two Giving Love Opinion Would Be Advice Comedy Firsts Hate May Real Seems Sex

Famous Norm MacDonald Quotes

“My dad died, and my grandfather died, and my great-grandfather died. And the guy before him, I don't know. Probably died.”

Knows Funny Guy Comedy Dad Died My Dad Grandfather My Grandfather Father Died Great Grandfather Dad Died My Dad Died Grandfather Died

Author:Norm MacDonald

“You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.”

Knows Care Guy Don't Care I Don't Care That Guy

Author:Norm MacDonald

“It's tough to know who's better in cliff diving. Like, you see a guy diving off a cliff and you go, Oh, man, a guy diving off a cliff! And then another guy'd dive- Oh, there's another guy diving off a cliff there. But you can't tell who's better, y'know? Like, uh- if you survive at all, hey, you're a great- you're a great cliff diver there. There's only two classifications in cliffdiving. There's, uh- 'Grand Champion' and then, uh- 'Stuff On a Rock.' Very hard to make a comeback in that sport, I'll tell you that.”

Ifs Knows Men Two Hard Guy Stuff Sports Rocks Like You Tough Hey Champion Cliffs Comeback Other Guys Diving Classification Hey You

Author:Norm MacDonald

“Actually, with those dirty movies, I find like, they're good for about fifteen, twenty minutes. I'm really interested. And, then, uh, there's one point, that all of a sudden I'm bored. You know? I just lose interest completely and I feel deeply ashamed.”

Knows Feels Interest Loses Minutes Twenties Bored Dirty Ashamed Fifteen Dirty Movie

Author:Norm MacDonald

“I was in my peak physical condition when I was about like, uh... one. Oh God, I looked good, young and fresh! You wouldn't know me now if you'd seen me when I was one, you know? I even looked good for my age. People would come up to me and go, what are you, zero? And I'd go, no, I'm one over here!”

People Ifs Knows Age Young Conditions Come Up Zero Know Me

Author:Norm MacDonald

“They're like ''You're an alcoholic.'' I go ''No, I'm not.'' and then-apparently that's what alcoholics say too, you know?”

Knows Like You Alcoholics

Author:Norm MacDonald

“Man, them engagement rings, boy, they cost a lot. I was looking at 'em. Cost like a thousand bucks, two thousand bucks, y'know. Three thousand bucks. Something like that- four thousand bucks. Big number divisible by a thousand, anyways.”

Knows Men Two Bigs Three Numbers Boys Four Cost Thousand Rings Ems Engagement Bucks

Author:Norm MacDonald

“This is a thing I read by a scientist... it said scientists now say that a man thinks about sex once every 7.3 seconds. Now, I know what I think every 7.3 seconds. It's just a bunch of meaningless gibberish.”

Thinking Knows Men Said Sex Scientist Bunch Seconds Meaningless

Author:Norm MacDonald

“Women of no beauty may yet be flattered to believe they possess some; others of a moderate share that they have a great deal; but those of elegance and charm generally know the perfection of their external graces so well, that they seem to covet that flattery most which heightens the opinion of their wit and judgment.”

Knows Believe Wells May Seems Deals Opinion Grace Share Judgment Perfection Wit Charm Flattery Elegance Moderates Flattered

Author:Norm MacDonald

“If you watch that show and you didn't know it was called Seinfeld, you'd think it was called 'The George Costanza Show'.”

Ifs Thinking Knows Shows Watches

Author:Norm MacDonald

“Louis [C.K.] is great. But I don't know how many you could do.”

Author:Norm MacDonald

“There's that saying, "I don't know art, but I know what I like." The inverse is kind of true. I know art, but I don't know what I like. You get so immersed in it that nothing appeals to you.”

Knows Kind Art Like You Appeals I Like You Inverse

Author:Norm MacDonald

“I hate fame. I hate being recognized, because I don't know how to talk to people.”

People Knows Hate Know How Fame I Hate

Author:Norm MacDonald

“I'm not gay, so I don't know much about Broadway musicals.”

Knows Gay Broadway Gay Pride Broadway Musical

Author:Norm MacDonald

“I don't know anything about politics. I wouldn't put too much into my prediction on politics.”

Knows Too Much Predictions

Author:Norm MacDonald

“I don't know anything about politics. Like, zero. Nothing.”

Knows Zero Uncle Tom

Author:Norm MacDonald

“In terms of merit, sports has mathematical statistics. That's how you know who the best player is.”

Knows Sports Term Player Mathematical Merit Statistics Best Players

Author:Norm MacDonald

“Compared to politics, I think sports is funnier, because it's inconsequential. And politics can be real important and all that. The more pointless something is, the funnier it is, you know? And the more grave or important things are... You know, some comedians can get this disease where they get serious all the time.”

Thinking Knows Important Real Sports Serious Disease Important Things Graves Comedian Being Real Pointless Inconsequential

Author:Norm MacDonald

“I've been offered political shows before, and I don't know anything about politics and I feel uncomfortable making political opinions - there's consequences to them. I often think I'm wrong, so I really don't like getting in political or religious discussions because of the giant possibility that I might be wrong.”

Thinking Knows Feels Shows Might Political Religious Opinion Possibility Consequence Discussion Uncomfortable Giants Political Opinions

Author:Norm MacDonald

“I've just seen really, really funny guys, and if I didn't know them, I wouldn't know they were funny from the television. I don't know what it does, it just sucks it away.”

Ifs Knows Doe Guy Television Funny Guy

Author:Norm MacDonald

“I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.”

Knows Fun Differences Watches Beats Hippie Hipster

Author:Norm MacDonald

About the Author

Born: October 17, 1963
Known for: Comedian
Quotes: 192

Related Topics

Men People Knows Ifs Thinking Shows Guy Two Giving Love Opinion Would Be Advice Comedy Firsts Hate May Real Seems Sex

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People Ifs Thinking Knows Men World Way Want Love Life Inspirational Needs Giving Feels Should Writing Trying Years Mind Firsts

Books & Sources

Based on a True Story: A MemoirRelated source material

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