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Norm MacDonald

Norm MacDonald Quotes

Comedian

Norm MacDonald is a Canadian comedian known for his unique humor style and satirical wit. Born on October 17, 1963, he has been active in the television and film industry since the 1980s. MacDonald is recognized for his roles in comedy shows and his performances in movies, which are often characterized by sharp observations and wit that resonate with audiences.

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All Men People Knows Ifs Thinking Shows Guy Two Giving Love Opinion Would Be Advice Comedy Firsts Hate May Real Seems Sex

Famous Norm MacDonald Quotes

“I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.”

Thinking Men Would Be Intelligent Cookies

Author:Norm MacDonald

“A man's enemies are those he should endeavor first to make his friends.”

Men Should Firsts Enemy Endeavor

Author:Norm MacDonald

“A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to others that has been successfully practiced on themselves.”

Ifs Thinking Men World Has Beens Evil Causes Offers Injustice Criminals

Author:Norm MacDonald

“Though we may not desire to detect fraud, we must not, on that account, endeavor to be insensible of it, for, as cunning is a crime, so is duplicity a fault, and if men dread knaves, they also despise fools.”

Ifs Men May Desire Crime Fool Accounts Faults Endeavor Fraud Despise Dread Cunning Knaves Insensible Duplicity

Author:Norm MacDonald

“Laws, however divine in origin and institution, would be found of little coercion among men, were the administration of them not committed to mortals.”

Men Littles Would Be Law Found Divine Institutions Committed Mortals Administration Coercion

Author:Norm MacDonald

“Enjoyment inflames love in some men, and extinguishes it in others: the wind that assists large vessels, upsets small ones.”

Men Love Wind Upset Enjoyment Vessel

Author:Norm MacDonald

“Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.”

Men Giving Impress Tempted Secrecy Uneasiness

Author:Norm MacDonald

“There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.”

Men Two Virtue Faults Two Things Exposed Concealed

Author:Norm MacDonald

“Education makes some men wiser, others more ridiculous and foolish!”

Men Foolish Ridiculous Wiser

Author:Norm MacDonald

“Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I've seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he's lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.”

Men Lying Dies Tvs Arms Battle Bed Sick Courageous Hospitals Uncles Old Days

Author:Norm MacDonald

“It's tough to know who's better in cliff diving. Like, you see a guy diving off a cliff and you go, Oh, man, a guy diving off a cliff! And then another guy'd dive- Oh, there's another guy diving off a cliff there. But you can't tell who's better, y'know? Like, uh- if you survive at all, hey, you're a great- you're a great cliff diver there. There's only two classifications in cliffdiving. There's, uh- 'Grand Champion' and then, uh- 'Stuff On a Rock.' Very hard to make a comeback in that sport, I'll tell you that.”

Ifs Knows Men Two Hard Guy Stuff Sports Rocks Like You Tough Hey Champion Cliffs Comeback Other Guys Diving Classification Hey You

Author:Norm MacDonald

“You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin' life again? Man, that's rough, eh?”

Men Dream Middle Wake Up Rough Good Dream

Author:Norm MacDonald

“Man, them engagement rings, boy, they cost a lot. I was looking at 'em. Cost like a thousand bucks, two thousand bucks, y'know. Three thousand bucks. Something like that- four thousand bucks. Big number divisible by a thousand, anyways.”

Knows Men Two Bigs Three Numbers Boys Four Cost Thousand Rings Ems Engagement Bucks

Author:Norm MacDonald

“This is a thing I read by a scientist... it said scientists now say that a man thinks about sex once every 7.3 seconds. Now, I know what I think every 7.3 seconds. It's just a bunch of meaningless gibberish.”

Thinking Knows Men Said Sex Scientist Bunch Seconds Meaningless

Author:Norm MacDonald

“When I was a kid, everybody that played golf was an old man. Until Tiger showed up, they weren't in very good shape.”

Men Kids Shapes Golf Very Good Old Man Tigers

Author:Norm MacDonald

“A proper disposition of time leaves a man at leisure in the very bustle of affairs; without delaying the attention of his concerns to the last or giving them unnecessary application at first: it affords a season for everything by affording everything its proper season.”

Men Giving Firsts Lasts Time Attention Concern Seasons Affair Application Leisure Unnecessary Disposition Bustle Affording

Author:Norm MacDonald

“Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.”

Men Giving Opinion Advice

Author:Norm MacDonald

“The praise we seek for our own virtues sometimes tempts us to flatter the imperfections of other men.”

Men Sometimes Virtue Praise Imperfection

Author:Norm MacDonald

“There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.”

Men Giving Should Two Opinion Advice Asking Determined Pursue Two Things Giving Advice

Author:Norm MacDonald

“Some men mistake generosity for charity: these flatter themselves that they are giving gratuitously, whilst they are merely rewarding secret services offered their vanity.”

Men Giving Secret Mistake Charity Vanity Generosity Secret Service

Author:Norm MacDonald

“Most men appear wiser in their doubts than in their belief.”

Men Belief Doubt Wiser

Author:Norm MacDonald

“The man that does not fear punishment, little regards crime.”

Men Littles Doe Crime He Man Regard Punishment

Author:Norm MacDonald

“Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.”

Men Winning Disease Yeah Bunch Gambling You Can Win

Author:Norm MacDonald

About the Author

Born: October 17, 1963
Known for: Comedian
Quotes: 192

Related Topics

Men People Knows Ifs Thinking Shows Guy Two Giving Love Opinion Would Be Advice Comedy Firsts Hate May Real Seems Sex

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People Ifs Thinking Knows Men World Way Want Love Life Inspirational Needs Giving Feels Should Writing Trying Years Mind Firsts

Books & Sources

Based on a True Story: A MemoirRelated source material

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