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Patton Oswalt

Patton Oswalt Quotes

Comedian

Patton Oswalt is an American comedian, screenwriter, and author known for his unique humor style and profound insights into everyday life. He has a rich experience in the comedy industry, performing in various comedy clubs and television shows. His filmography includes 'The Wedding Singer', 'Almost Famous', and the 'American Pie' series.

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All People Ifs Knows Want Comedian Thinking Stuff Way Kind Trying

Famous Patton Oswalt Quotes

“If you play comedic scenes like they're really serious, then it's so much more funny than if you're going for a laugh.”

Ifs Play Laughing Serious Scene Comedic

Author:Patton Oswalt

“The Kentucky Fried Chicken corporation made a bobble head of me and sent it to my management. No card, nothing.”

Made Management Cards Corporations Chickens Kentucky Fried Chicken

Author:Patton Oswalt

“To get asked to do stuff like 'United States Of Tara' and 'Caprica' is terrific. I can't complain.”

I Can States Stuff United United States Complaining Terrific

Author:Patton Oswalt

“A lot of nerds aren't aware they're nerds. A geek has thrown his hands up to the universe and gone, 'I speak Klingon - who am I fooling? You win! I'm just gonna openly like what I like.' Geeks tend to be a little happier with themselves.”

Littles Hands Universe Winning Speak Gone Thrown Nerd Geek Hands Up

Author:Patton Oswalt

“Based on my own experience, when you're going through adolescence you don't know how the world works. You can't set a story in the world you live in because you don't know what a utility bill is, or how to budget your paycheck.”

Knows World Stories My Own Know How Bills Budgets Adolescence Utility Paychecks

Author:Patton Oswalt

“Every audience is different, even within the same venue. You have to just make every audience your audience; you can't pre-judge an audience based on the size of the room or the type of room.”

Different Rooms Audience Judging Type Size Venues

Author:Patton Oswalt

“Everything we have today that's cool comes from someone wanting more of something they loved in the past. Action figures, videogames, superhero movies, iPods: All are continuations of a love that wanted more.”

Today Action Wanted Past Figures Superhero Ipods Continuation Videogame Wanting More Action Figures

Author:Patton Oswalt

“I mean, the death in the late eighties and early nineties really shook out a lot of hacks. The pond just sort of dried up for a lot of really bad comedians.”

Mean Late Comedian Eighty Ponds Hacks

Author:Patton Oswalt

“I've hung out in the writer's room a few times, but the fact is we've got such a good writing staff, I don't want to get my peanut butter fingerprints on anything.”

Want Writing Facts Rooms Hung Staff Peanuts Good Writing Peanut Butter Fingerprints

Author:Patton Oswalt

“If I were to just focus on stand-up, I could actually, paradoxically enough, be home way more, because I would leave on a Friday, go do a couple theaters Friday, Saturday, maybe Sunday, come home.”

Ifs Way Enough Home Focus Couple Theater Sunday Coming Home Saturday Friday

Author:Patton Oswalt

“Now we live in this DVD, iTunes, Hulu age, and show creators and networks are realizing that and letting shows develop on those terms rather than 'We gotta just punch it week to week, man.' Now they're like, 'What will happen if someone watches the entire show?'”

Ifs Men Shows Happens Age Term Realizing Watches Week Creator Dvds Itunes

Author:Patton Oswalt

“The problem is, and I'm just as guilty of this, a lot of people see their follower count increase and mistake that for friendships. It's great to have followers, especially if you want to sell albums, promote shows, or promote your friends, but you still need to get outside and talk to other human beings.”

People Ifs Want Needs Humans Stills Shows Problem Human Beings Mistake Increase Sells Albums Guilty Followers

Author:Patton Oswalt

“There's all kinds of those moments in your life where either through a weird set of circumstances, or a song you hear, or a smell you smell, or one person says something totally out of the context without the meaning that you assigned to it, but you snap back to the way you were when you were 14 or 15. We all deal with that.”

Way Kind Persons Moments Song Deals Circumstances Smell All Kinds Snaps

Author:Patton Oswalt

“This sounds like a brag, but I know how to make good fried rice. I learned in college. There are two secrets - take the rice after you cook it and let it get cold in the fridge. Then cook the egg like you're making a fried egg and just before it's done, dump the rice and veg on it and swirl it around.”

Knows Two Done Sound Secret Know How College Like You Cold Cooks Eggs Rice Dump Brag Fridges Swirls

Author:Patton Oswalt

“We're rewarding either the reality or the appearance of youth, which is why you have all these people in their fifties trying to act like they're seventeen. You know, it's great to be young. Be young. By all means, be young. But always remember that youth is also kinda dumb, and doesn't know a lot yet.”

People Knows Trying Mean Reality Remember Young Youth Appearance Dumb Seventeen Be Young

Author:Patton Oswalt

“What you want to worship above youth, I think, is beauty, and beauty is so beyond just appearances after a while. Because you can be with someone who's good-looking; if they open their mouths and they're an idiot, then they cease to be beautiful very quickly.”

Ifs Thinking Want Beautiful Youth Worship Mouths Appearance What You Want Cease Idiot Looking Good

Author:Patton Oswalt

“Yeah, there were a few years in the early nineties where I really began to hate what was valued as funny and just sort of what was valued in stand-up, period.”

Years Hate Periods Yeah

Author:Patton Oswalt

“If the victories we create in our heads were let loose on reality, the world we know would drown in blazing happiness.”

Ifs Knows World Reality Victory Blazing

Book:Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A Book by Patton Oswalt

Source: Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A Book by Patton Oswalt

“Zombies can't believe the energy we waste on nonfood pursuits.”

Believe Energy Waste Pursuit Zombie

Book:Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A Book by Patton Oswalt

Source: Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A Book by Patton Oswalt

“I want to experience as many different tastes, sights, emotions, conflicts, and cultures as possible, so that I can expand the canvas of my memory and enrich my comedy.”

Want I Can Different Culture Memories Emotion Comedy Taste Conflict Sight Canvas Different Tastes

Book:Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A Book by Patton Oswalt

Source: Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A Book by Patton Oswalt

“Cheap liquor is a magic potion that can turn you into a puppet cowboy before it kills you.”

Turns Magic Cowboy Liquor Puppets

Author:Patton Oswalt

“People will find transformation and transcendence in a McDonald's hash brown if it's all they've got.”

People Ifs Transformation Brown Transcendence Mcdonalds Hash

Book:Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A Book by Patton Oswalt

Source: Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A Book by Patton Oswalt

“Anything's better than Gen X which is what we got. Thanks Douglas Coupland. We sound like a team of mutant vigalantees with frosted hair and chain wallets. Actually that's not completely horrible.”

Sound Team Hair Horrible Thanks Chains Wallets Mutants

Book:Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A Book by Patton Oswalt

Source: Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A Book by Patton Oswalt

“Every zombie story is fundamentally about a breakdown of order, with the infrastructure intact. That infrastructure might be on fire, yes.”

Stories Might Order Fire Zombie Infrastructure Breakdown

Book:Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A Book by Patton Oswalt

Source: Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A Book by Patton Oswalt

“Meal isn't over when I'm full. Meal's over when I hate myself.”

Hate I Hate Meals Delicious Food Stand Up Comedian Hate Myself I Hate Myself

Author:Patton Oswalt

“Is it bad when you refer to all alcohol as "Pain Go Bye-Bye Juice"?”

Pain Alcohol Heartache Juice Bye Bye Bye

Author:Patton Oswalt

“My advice to you is be boring, square, asshole parents... When I have kids, the most recent CD I will own - Phil Collins, No Jacket Required, and I'll rave about it. 'Do you like rock 'n' roll? 'Cause this is rockin' good stuff, kid.'”

Kids Causes Stuff Parent Advice Rocks Boring Squares Rock N Roll Fatherhood Jackets Cds Rave

Author:Patton Oswalt

“There are times when I have to take, I call it a “silence bath,” where I shut off all of the external gadgets. I go walk around, talk to people, and just live life for a while.”

People Life Walks Silence Live Life Baths Just Live Gadgets Just Living Life

Author:Patton Oswalt

“I think I realized it was an art form at the beginning, but it took me a really long time before I was able to view what I was performing myself as an art form.”

Thinking Long Art Able Form Views Long Time I Realized Performing Really Long

Author:Patton Oswalt

“The idea of, 'The journey is the destination' is put into action by browsing in an indie record store. Besides, a human being is a much better guide than a 'More Like This' link on the internet.”

Humans Ideas Action Human Beings Records Journey Internet Guides Stores Destination Links Record Stores Browsing

Author:Patton Oswalt

“It’s the method of consumption, not what’s on the plate.”

Method Plates Consumption

Author:Patton Oswalt

“We need conservatives that can accept gays, and then we need hippies that can shave and bathe.”

Needs Accepting Gay Hippie

Author:Patton Oswalt

About the Author

Born: January 27, 1969
Known for: Comedian
Quotes: 133

Related Topics

People Ifs Knows Want Comedian Thinking Stuff Way Kind Trying

Popular Topics

People Ifs Thinking Knows Men World Way Want Love Life Inspirational Needs Giving Feels Should Writing Trying Years Mind Firsts

Books & Sources

Zombie Spaceship Wasteland: A Book by Patton OswaltRelated source material

Silver Screen Fiend: Learning About Life from an Addiction to FilmRelated source material

Zombie Spaceship WastelandRelated source material

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