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Polly Berrien Berends Books

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“A child needs both to be hugged and unhugged. The hug lets her know she is valuable. The unhug lets her know that she is viable. If you're always shoving your child away, they will cling to you for love. If you're always holding them closer, they will cling to you for fear.”

IfsKnowsNeedsChildrenOur ChildrenParentingValuableYour ChildrenHug
Book:Gently lead, or, How to teach your children about God while finding out for yourself
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“If we view our children as stupid, naughty, disturbed, or guilty of their misdeeds, they will learn to behold themselves as foolish, faulty, or shameful specimens of humanity. They will regard us as judges from whom they wish to hide, and they will interpret everything we say as further proof of their unworthiness. If we view them as innocent, or at least merely ignorant, they will gain understanding from their experiences, and they will continue to regard us as wise partners.”

IfsChildrenHumanityWishUnderstandingViewsWiseStupidJudgingGainsRegardOur ChildrenProofPartnersFoolishIgnorantInnocentGuiltyDisturbedShamefulNaughtyMisdeeds
Book:Whole child, whole parent
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“Awareness of having better things to do with their lives is the secret to immunizing our children against false values--whether presented on television or in "real life." The child who finds fulfillment in music or reading or cooking or swimming or writing or drawing is not as easily convinced that he needs recognition or power or some "high" to feel worthwhile.”

NeedsFeelsWritingChildrenRealLife IsValuesReadingSecretAwarenessTelevisionOur ChildrenCookingConvincedDrawingReal LifeRecognitionFulfillmentThings To DoSwimmingWorthwhileBetter Things To Do
Book:Whole child, whole parent
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“As parents it is well to be aware of the tendency to equate energetic activity with contest. Our children's worth does not dependon their ability to trounce one another. And surely we can find ways of frolicking and being healthy and active together in some joyful, free way that is not an adversary relationship.”

WayWellsChildrenDoeTogetherParentAbilityHealthyActivityOur ChildrenActiveTendenciesJoyfulContestsAdversariesSiblingEnergeticRivalrySibling Rivalry
Book:Whole child, whole parent
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“If we allow our one-and-a-half year old to "help" us fold laundry he will learn something about buttons, zippers, snaps, where things go, the physical properties of cloth, what happens when you drop it, how easy or hard it is to carry compared with everything else he has ever carried, what clean clothes smell like, how a big towel can turn into a small bundle, how the small bundle you just folded can turn into a big towel again, plus any songs we care to sing or stories or related or unrelated facts we care to pass on.”

IfsYearsChildrenHardFactsHelpingStoriesBigsHappensCareSongTurnsEasyHalfClothesPropertyCleanSmellRelatedPlusButtonsFoldsSnapsLaundryBundlesTowelsZippersClean Clothes
Author:Polly Berrien Berends
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“Never miss an opportunity to allow a child to do something she can and wants to on her own. Sometimes we're in too much of a rush--and she might spill something, or do it wrong. But whenever possible she needs to learn, error by error, lesson by lesson, to do better. And the more she is able to learn by herself the more she gets the message that she's a kid who can.”

WantNeedsChildrenSometimesMightKidsAbleOpportunityToo MuchMissingLessonsMessagesErrorsSpills
Book:Whole child, whole parent
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“Once we begin to appreciate that the apparent destructiveness of the toddler in taking apart a flower or knocking down sand castles is in fact a constructive effort to understand unity, we are able to revise our view of the situation, moving from reprimand and prohibition to the intelligent channeling of his efforts and the fostering of discovery.”

FactsAbleMovingViewsEffortSituationFlowerDisciplineDiscoveryAppreciateIntelligentUnitySandCastlesConstructiveProhibitionKnockingChannelingToddlerFosteringDestructivenessSand Castle
Book:Whole child, whole parent
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