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Ramani Durvasula Quotes

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Famous Ramani Durvasula Quotes

“I am tired of people calling those of us who get stuck in these cycles "codependent" or "addicted" to the narcissistic relationship. It's not that. If you have any empathy, have normal cognitive functioning, and were shaped by societal and cultural norms and realities, it is not surprising that you would get stuck. The narcissistic relationship is like a riptide that pulls you back in even as you try to swim away. The intensity, attentiveness, and highs and lows are why you swim out to where the riptide is. The abusive behavior makes you want to swim away from the riptide, but the guilt and fear of leaving, the practical issues raised by leaving (financial, safety, cultural, family), as well as the natural drive toward attachment, connection, and love are what keep you stuck in the riptide's pull.”

HealingEmpathyTrauma Bonding
Book:It's Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People
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“You already put so much money into this machine (emotional energy), it has to pay out. You aren’t going to walk away, because what if the next person comes around and pulls the handle and hits the jackpot (the next woman he dates get the engagement ring)? A slot machine that pays out consistently every time you put money into it might get dull, perhaps like a kind, empathic person who is always there for you. It may not be about big jackpots after all, but rather about loving mutual regard, which is in fact the greatest jackpot of all.”

RelationshipsPsychologyEmpathyEngagementWeddingNarcissismReciprocityPsycopathJackpotPigeon Game
Book:Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist
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“The darker dynamics of narcissism imply that one person in the relationship gives just about everything, and the other (the narcissist) just takes. If the relationship is reciprocal, compromise is effortless. The more challenging disappointments are the lack of empathy, the lack of connection, the lack of support.”

RelationshipsMarriageSupportPsychologyEmpathyConnectionEngagementNarcissismReciprocity
Book:Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist
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“When the world is supporting them, their needs are getting met, they do not think there is anything wrong anyhow, and they are unable to see, hear, or feel the needs of others, the likelihood of change is close to zero. The primitive and emotional nature of a close personal relationship means that the lack of empathy, the rage, the distance, the control, and the inconsistency have tremendous power in shaping the life and the inner world of a person in a narcissistic relationship. Close relationships can activate the best and the worst in us, but the deep emotional demands of an intimate relationship are out of reach for a person with narcissistic personality disorder.”

RelationshipsMarriagePsychologyEmpathyDistanceControlEngagementNarcissismPartnerInconsistency
Book:Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist
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