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Ramani Durvasula Quotes

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Famous Ramani Durvasula Quotes

“It’s satisfying to believe that our effort will translate into results, and in many areas of our lives it does. The one area it often does not is human relationships, and the one area it will never work is in a relationship. if you are expending so much effort and not achieving your goal (of pleasing your partner) then you must be doing something wrong or lacking something. Interestingly, most people don’t initially recognize that perhaps it is their partner who is unpleasable. Many people who have been through narcissistic relationships will say that they literally gave everything they had to the point they could not try anymore. This carries a tremendous toll for the giver, who will often give of themselves to the point of exhaustion, physical health problems, loss of friends and family, and even their own sense of self.”

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Book:Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist
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“Because they are manipulative, narcissists know how to spin a tale that will elicit your sympathy, make you want to help them, and also make it harder for you to criticize them or express your disapproval regarding certain behaviors. The narcissistic partner’s back story is frequently cited as a reason you kept trying to fight for the relationship. The back story often left you wanting to “rescue” him and to fix his past. You keep writing excuses instead of addressing the behavior that is taking a toll on you.”

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Book:Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist
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“Strong emotions make narcissists uncomfortable. In your darkest hours you may have to appease and soothe them. Ironically, if they are experiencing the loss, they will often stop the clocks and turn into their own self-focused, self-referenced mourning period, expecting all lives to halt for them. The lack of support in the face of a crisis represents one of the more devastating conditions. Illness in a partner can raise a wide array of reactions in the narcissist, ranging from anger and irritability that their narcissistic supply is otherwise preoccupied to resenting the attention your illness may bring to you to actually becoming anxious and in fact even helpful because they are concerned about losing your availability and presence.”

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Book:Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist
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“Behaviors may shift temporarily, but the core issues will remain. The feelings will also shift and change every day. After your time served, and years spent trying to make it work, it can be quite galling to have your partner pick up and leave. Many times, the narcissist does decide to head out for greener pastures— typically a new partner—and even though getting rid of him is ultimately healthier and better for you, it still stings. The sting of being rejected. The sting of not feeling good enough. The sting that no matter how hard you tried, it was never enough. While that has nothing to do with you, it is a difficult pill to swallow when they decide to pack it in and leave.”

RelationshipsMarriagePsychologyLeavingBreakupEngagementNarcissismInfidelityPartnerCore Values
Book:Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist
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“The indifferent filler can keep the conversation moving, without giving the narcissist a hurtful target. He or she will likely find ways to insert some negativism here as well, perhaps mocking your opinion, calling you out for not being knowledgeable about a topic, or even labeling you as “dull.” Smile serenely and carry on. Your narcissist does not realize the triumph—you just dodged a bullet and did not play out the usual old patterns. He may even be frustrated, since he can’t get the same reactions out of you, and may have to find a new psychological punching bag.”

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Book:Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist
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“It’s painfully simple but also challenging to execute because it requires a rewrite, a re-rendering, a reboot, and a reframe. And the best part is that it requires nothing from your partner—this is entirely within your control. It is the most unromantic piece of advice you will ever receive: Manage your expectations. Let go of the rescue fantasy. If you don’t, and you decide to stay, it will only destroy you, bit by bit. So now that you know the beast is never going to turn into a prince.”

RelationshipsMarriageFantasyPsychologyExpectationsEngagementRescueNarcissismPartnerReboot
Book:Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist
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“When the world is supporting them, their needs are getting met, they do not think there is anything wrong anyhow, and they are unable to see, hear, or feel the needs of others, the likelihood of change is close to zero. The primitive and emotional nature of a close personal relationship means that the lack of empathy, the rage, the distance, the control, and the inconsistency have tremendous power in shaping the life and the inner world of a person in a narcissistic relationship. Close relationships can activate the best and the worst in us, but the deep emotional demands of an intimate relationship are out of reach for a person with narcissistic personality disorder.”

RelationshipsMarriagePsychologyEmpathyDistanceControlEngagementNarcissismPartnerInconsistency
Book:Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist
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