Quotessence
Home / Topics / Trauma Bonding Quotes

Trauma Bonding Quotes

Browse 17 quotes about Trauma Bonding.

Trauma Bonding Quotes

“I am tired of people calling those of us who get stuck in these cycles "codependent" or "addicted" to the narcissistic relationship. It's not that. If you have any empathy, have normal cognitive functioning, and were shaped by societal and cultural norms and realities, it is not surprising that you would get stuck. The narcissistic relationship is like a riptide that pulls you back in even as you try to swim away. The intensity, attentiveness, and highs and lows are why you swim out to where the riptide is. The abusive behavior makes you want to swim away from the riptide, but the guilt and fear of leaving, the practical issues raised by leaving (financial, safety, cultural, family), as well as the natural drive toward attachment, connection, and love are what keep you stuck in the riptide's pull.”

HealingEmpathyTrauma Bonding
Book:It's Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People
Create image

“Many survivors have such profound deficiencies in self-protection that they can barely imagine themselves in a position of agency or choice. The idea of saying no to the emotional demands of a parent, spouse, lover or authority figure may be practically inconceivable. Thus, it is not uncommon to find adult survivors who continue to minister to the needs of those who once abused them and who continue to permit major intrusions without boundaries or limits. Adult survivors may nurse their abusers in illness, defend them in adversity, and even, in extreme cases, continue to submit to their sexual demands.”

Saying NoChild Sexual AbuseAbuse SurvivorsSurvivorsAbusive ParentsChild Sexual Abuse SurvivorTrauma BondingAbusive ParentBoundary Issues
Book:Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence - From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror
Create image

“When there is inconsistency in belief and action (such as being violated by someone who is supposed to love you) our mind has to make an adjustment so that thought and action are aligned. So sometimes the adjustment that the mind makes is for the victim to bring her or his behavior in line with the violator, since the violator cannot be controlled by the victim. Our greatest source of survival is to adapt to our environment. So increasing emotional intimacy with a person who is forcing physical intimacy makes sense in our minds. It resolves cognitive dissonance.”

HealingSurvivalVictimDomestic ViolenceSexual AbuseRapeViolationChild Sexual AbuseAbuse SurvivorsSurvivorsIncestHealing InsightsSexual ViolenceCognitive DissonanceHealing From AbuseChild Sexual Abuse SurvivorRecovery From AbuseStockholm SyndromeEmotional IntimacyTrauma BondingSexual Abuse Of A Child
Book:Tree Leaves: Breaking The Fall Of The Loud Silence
Create image

“In 1973, Jan Erik Olsson walked into a small bank in Stockholm, Sweden, brandishing a gun, wounding a police officer, and taking three women and one man hostage. During negotiations, Olsson demanded money, a getaway vehicle, and that his friend Clark Olofsson, a man with a long criminal history, be brought to the bank. The police allowed Olofsson to join his friend and together they held the four hostages captive in a bank vault for six days. During their captivity, the hostages at times were attached to snare traps around their necks, likely to kill them in the event that the police attempted to storm the bank. The hostages grew increasingly afraid and hostile toward the authorities trying to win their release and even actively resisted various rescue attempts. Afterward they refused to testify against their captors, and several continued to stay in contact with the hostage takers, who were sent to prison. Their resistance to outside help and their loyalty toward their captors was puzzling, and psychologists began to study the phenomenon in this and other hostage situations. The expression of positive feelings toward the captor and negative feelings toward those on the outside trying to win their release became known as Stockholm syndrome.”

TraumaTraumatizedStockholm SyndromeTrauma BondingHostage Situation
Author:Rachel Lloyd
Create image

“Their experiences led them to create assumptions about others and related beliefs about themselves such as "this is my lot in life" and "this is what I deserve". Some also learned that personal safety and happiness are of lower priority than survival and that it may be safer to give in than to actively fight off additional abuse and victimization. When abuse is perpetrated by intimates, it is additionally confounding in terms of attachment, betrayal, and trust. Victims may be unable to leave or to fight back due to strong, albeit insecure and disorganized, attachment and misplaced loyalty to abusers. They may have also experienced trauma bonding over the course of their victimization, that is, a bond of specialness with or dependence on the abuser.”

AbuseComplex PtsdTrauma Bonding
Book:Treatment of Complex Trauma: A Sequenced, Relationship-Based Approach
Create image

“What happens when you hit your daughter. First, she will bond to you out of fear, mistakenly thinking she has done something wrong, and if she can just manage to not do it again or somehow please you, you might not hit her or anyone else anymore. She will even think you will love her properly if she can earn your approval. She won't realize this is impossible. Then she will either do that with every man she comes within 100 feet of for the rest of her life or until she learns not to - this will take much doing - or she will despise them with such vehemence that she can barely stomach one around. Sometimes she will do a combination of both of those things, working herself into a pattern of push and pull - I love you, I hate you, I need you, I don't need anyone - that will drive her a little crazy. She won't understand at first, if ever, why she only attracts other masochists. Whatever numbing agent she's picked for herself - she will probably try drugs, drink too much alcohol, starve herself or binge and purge, maybe cut herself, act out sexually - in fact, she may do all of those things - that continues to help kill her spirit and dulls her enough to keep her participating in living like a maniac will be consumed to varying degrees depending on need. She will be more likely to commit suicide than if you hadn't abused her. She will give herself away and will mistake admiration and infatuation and sometimes even abuse for love.”

TraumaMemoirCodependencyTrauma HealingChild Abuse SurvivorTrauma Bonding
Book:Blood: A Memoir
Create image

“The cycle of trauma bonding with a narcissist or psychopath is biochemically addictive due to the brutal highs and lows and the unpredictable nature of the chaotic relationship. When pleasurable moments are few and far in between incidents of cruelty, this hot and cold behavior is known in behavioral psychology as intermittent reinforcement. The rare reward of kindness, affection, and validation is unpredictable causing dopamine to flow more readily in the brain than predictably stable relationships. This toxic love creates an addiction to the dopamine rush that has little to do with the merits of the person or the quality of the relationship. Research reveals that the brains of people reeling from tumultuous romantic relationships and heartbreak tend to show heightened activity in the same reward and craving related regions of the brain as in the brains of those addicted to cocaine and other drugs. This "withdrawal" effect is potent in romantic adversity and is part of the reason so many struggle to leave and heal from toxic relationships.”

Love AddictionTrauma BondingDopamine RushIntermittent Reinforcement
Book:Breaking Trauma Bonds with Narcissists and Psychopaths: Stop the Cycle of Manipulation, Exploitation, and Abuse in Your Romantic Relationships
Create image